Slicing My Heart
by Rosaline O. Porshe
Summary: "Just as she reached over to grab the glass, a voice sounded in her head making her stop. 'Stop scratching at your wrist, Rach, it's a bad habit.'"  Rachel hurts more than anyone can see. But Blaine he makes her forget. RAINE Fic. Takes place after BIOTA
1. Chapter 1

**_Hello there! Heads up! I have COMPLETELY taken the story down and put it back up WITH alterations. I have put short quotes before each chapter as a companion to the following chapter. I think it really adds to the story. P.S. I will start chapter 11 soon I promise! But reviews always help!_**

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><p>"<em>I've always been the good girl. The girl whose parents that she would grow up and actually become something. But I'm not like that anymore. I never thought I'd drink or snort those pills but I guess I was wrong. Now that I've done it I don't want to stop. It's like cutting, once you drag that blade across your skin you can't stop. You don't want to stop. I know you wanted a perfect teenage girl, but in reality there isn't one."-Anonymous<em>

_**Chapter 1**_

The day Blaine decided he was bisexual began like any other day. Warblers practice had just ended and Blaine went for daily cup of coffee. Then he saw Rachel. He couldn't deny she was adorable.

"Hey Rachel!" Blaine said, seeing her come walking up to him. "What's" And then her lips were on his.

Blaine melted into the kiss quickly, deepening it, asking for permission to enter her mouth, running his tongue over her lips which Rachel granted gladly. They came up for air too quickly for their taste, but oxygen was a necessity.

Rachel stared at Blaine, and Blaine at Rachel, before Blaine broke the silence saying, "You want to go to a movie?"

Rachel smiled widely. "I would love nothing more."

Blaine took Rachel's hand in his own, kissing her on the cheek and leading her out towards his car, both completely forgetting Kurt, who just stared on in disbelief.

The night went perfectly, Blaine kissing Rachel chastely and dropping her at home at the end of the date.

"Can we do this again?" Blaine asked, not wanting to leave yet.

Rachel smiled again, and Blaine's heart jumped. "Of course. Coffee tomorrow? After glee club of course."

"It's a date." Rachel kissed Blaine and went inside, Blaine went back to Dalton.

Rachel let herself inside her house, smile dropping almost immediately remembering her fathers' were away on yet another business trip, only to come home for three days to repack and go on a third honeymoon. Rachel was alone.

Rachel went upstairs and changed for bed, the scars on her arm appearing for the first time that night. Rachel's eyes watered, remembering that she still had school tomorrow. Another day of glares, slushies, talking behind her back, rumors. And glee, where no matter how hard she tried, she was never appreciated.

Without thinking, Rachel opened the dresser drawer and pulled out the thin piece of glass and rubbed against her forearm, the pain a welcome escape from her painful life. Only the pain made her forget, not even a perfect date with Blaine, not coffee with him tomorrow could lift her enough to escape. Only the pain, the pain was her best escape.

Rachel wore another long sleeve sweater the next day. No one questioned it. They never did. No one cared. She floated through school and glee, still fighting for solos best she could.

Blaine met her for coffee after their practices, and while she was with him, everything was okay. He made her smile; he made her want to be happy. Yet, when she came home to an empty house, his magic wore off again, and Rachel found herself with the glass again, the most dangerous of addictions.

Rachel could not meet Blaine for the next week, Regional's all too close. They saw each other at Regional's, Blaine greeting Rachel with a kiss. Her heart lifted with the touch of his lips. Kurt glaring in her direction made her jerk away, walking off quickly.

Blaine was calling after her, "Dinner afterwards! I don't care who wins!"

Rachel could barely bring herself to nod. With the start of her and Blaine, Rachel had lost the only friends she had left. Her nails pulled across her wrist, scars hidden perfectly with cover up.

"And the winner is," The announcer called, Rachel and Blaine standing in the back, holding hands, "New Directions!" Blaine and Rachel smiled sadly towards each other, Blaine kissing Rachel on the cheek before letting her go to celebrate.

Rachel rode home, sitting in front of the bus, by herself. Everyone was so excited. They were going to New York. Rachel couldn't be happier. Maybe she wouldn't need glass tonight.

When they arrived back at school, Blaine was already waiting. "C'mon!" He said happily, "We have to go celebrate! My girlfriend just won Regional's you see, and while my team lost, she gets to go to New York, the place she has been dreaming about going since she saw Annie. And that's pretty awesome."

Rachel smiled, but raised an eyebrow, "Girlfriend?"

Blaine nodded and walked up to Rachel, taking her hands, "Rachel Barbra Berry, would you do the honor of being my girlfriend?"

Rachel let out a deep breath and giggled. "Blaine Everett Anderson, I am shocked you feel the need to even ask." Before taking his head in her hands and kissing him.

Rachel had forgotten about the glass for the night, for the weekend, for the week, the month. Blaine made her so happy. The weekend before Rachel left for New York Blaine found himself in Rachel's room again, where they spent many a night, cuddling, watching movies, staying up talking, doing whatever their hearts desired.

"I'm going to miss you while I'm away." Rachel whispered, breaking the comfortable silence.

Blaine laughed, "You're going to be too busy mesmerized with New York to miss me, honey."

"And trying to avoid Kurt." Rachel whispered.

She felt Blaine sigh heavily. They'd had this conversation before.

"Rachel," Blaine began, rubbing her back, trying to comfort her.

"No Blaine. You know, you keep saying, he's okay with this, but you're not the one who has to look at the sadness in his eyes every day. You're not the one Mercedes and Tina directs their glares at, because you were the one who broke their best friend's heart." Rachel whispered, sitting up, tears brimming.

"Rachel," Blaine began, wiping the tears away and hugging her tightly. "You can't let them bother you. Focus on the fact that you are going to be in the city of your dreams."

"And that each day brings me closer to getting to see you again." Rachel said a small smile gracing her lips.

"Yeah, and then next year is senior year and it's going to be amazing. You and me." Blaine said smiling.

"And it's not like we aren't going to have the entire summer to be together." Rachel theorized.

Blaine's looked down from Rachel's happy gaze and whispered guiltily, "About that…Rachel, my parents are dragging me to California for the summer…More family bonding. Or in reality, prison for three months. I'm not getting back until the week before school starts again. I'm really sorry; I'd rather be here with you."

Rachel was silent. It took all her strength not to grab the glass right there. How was she supposed to live without Blaine for the whole summer? He would definitely meet someone else there. Or, maybe realize he loves Kurt more than her. Rachel couldn't take that.

"Rachel," Blaine pleaded, looking up and seeing the far away, hurt look in Rachel's eyes, "you have to understand. You're it. I want to be here. I'm not going to go away for the summer and come back some changed person. I, I'll call or, or Skype every night. I can't live three months without you."

"Ok." Was all Rachel could say.

"Rachel," Blaine pleaded, knowing it wasn't, "please believe me."

"I'll see you when I get back." Rachel said.

"I was going to stay over, because your dad's went on another business trip, remember?"

"Well, I have to go to bed. I need a good night's sleep. Goodnight Blaine." Rachel was standing at the door, ushering Blaine out.

"Goodnight." Blaine said, walking out the door, it closing quietly behind him. He didn't want to go to California. He really didn't. Alas, the discussion was closed for the night, so Blaine trudged off to the guest room, and got ready for bed, deaf to the whimpers and tears from Rachel down the hall.

_One cut for each worry,_ Rachel told herself after Blaine left. It looked like sweaters tomorrow. She couldn't live without Blaine for three months. She just couldn't.

The next morning Blaine came downstairs, ready to try and make things right, Rachel making breakfast donning jeans and one of his Dalton sweatshirts, bags ready to go. Blaine was taking her to the airport.

"Good morning beautiful." Blaine said after a moment of watching Rachel flurry around the kitchen making pancakes and bacon.

Rachel turned around and smiled the million watt smile Blaine loved, giggling while she walked to Blaine and kissed him good morning.

"Listen," Rachel began, leaning back slightly, "I'm sorry about last night. I just get really insecure and the thought of being away from you for the whole summer terrifies me."

"You don't have to be scared though. Rachel, you are my life. I'm crazy about you." Blaine said as Rachel turned around to check on the food.

"I know that now," Rachel said, jiggling the pan of bacon, her left sleeve sliding a little bit, revealing one of her older scars.

"Rachel," Blaine asked, grabbing her arm gingerly, examining the scar before Rachel took her hand away, "How did that happen?"

If Rachel were honest, she would have said it was from her first attempt at cutting. But Rachel couldn't admit even to herself that it was from her own self infliction. So she lied.

"I cut myself on accident a few years back, dicing an onion. I never knew onions could make you cry literally."

Blaine looked skeptical, but took the answer at face value, Rachel turning the stove off, and handing Blaine his food, before sitting down with her own. The rest of breakfast was spent chatting idly; they never seemed to run out of things to discuss.

Blaine drove Rachel to school, kissing her goodbye promising to spend as much time with her once she got back before he had to go to California. Rachel boarded the bus, waving goodbye, her carryon bag strung over her shoulder.

"Kurt," Blaine called to his old friend after he saw Rachel board the bus.

Kurt turned his eyes saddening as he walked towards the man he was once in love with. "Yeah?"

"Watch after Rachel for me, please." Blaine asked. He knew it was a lot to ask of Kurt considering Rachel was his girlfriend, but he was worried about her. There was something off about the cut she had from the onion.

Kurt saw the worry and withheld his urge to ask why, and simply said, "Okay."

"Kurt," Blaine added as Kurt walked away, "I know you care about New York just as much as Rachel. So I just want to tell you, enjoy it. I know it's been your dream to go. Have fun." Blaine said, smiling.

Kurt smiled back sadly, but nodded still as he boarded the bus. Blaine saw Rachel sitting by a window, and then shortly after, Kurt sat down next to her smiling, and talked to Rachel, despite the looks he got from Mercedes.

Blaine smiled and waved as the bus pulled away, his worries for Rachel and Kurt leaving with the bus.

The week flew by for Rachel, and dragged for Blaine. Rachel used the glass once. When they placed 12 in competition. Blaine just missed Rachel, which is why, when he saw the bus pull up outside of McKinley, Blaine couldn't help but swoop Rachel up and kiss her when she finally got off of the bus.

"We didn't win." Rachel said when Blaine put her down, finally registering the looks on everyone's faces, ranging from sadness, to depression. Looking Rachel in the eyes, he saw both mixed with despair.

"I'm sorry," Blaine began, but was quickly cut off by his brown eyed beauty saying,

"It's fine. New York was amazing. Let's go get coffee and I can tell you all about it."

Blaine cracked a smile, only imagining the trouble they could have gotten into while away at the big city. "Okay. Let's go."

Rachel giggled and dragged Blaine off to his car, throwing her things in and hopping in the passenger seat, blasting her Wicked playlist, before Blaine could even buckle in. Blaine could only think how adorable she was.

They walked into the coffee shop, Rachel already bouncing off the wall with excitement.

Blaine laughed and said, "Go find a table; I'll get our coffee, not that you need it." Rachel began to protest. "No. I was without you for a week, think of it as a return gift." Rachel shut up and ran off to find a table.

Blaine returned a few minutes later, sitting across from Rachel, sipping his coffee and saying, "Now tell me all about New York."

Rachel smiled widely and began.

A half hour later, Rachel had finally reached the actual competition. "So, Finn told me he loved me, and I told him, that he had his chance and blew it. He looked so sad, but the announcer was saying our names, so he walked back to his side and we sang. At the end he kissed me."

Blaine gasped. "He, he,"

"Blaine calm down. I did kiss him back briefly, to keep up the drama of the song he wrote, but I was thinking about you the whole time, I promise. So, he was staring at me and then Mr. Schue clapped and the music for Light Up the World started. It went off without a hitch, and we thought we could recover. Well, we didn't. Everyone went silent. Like, just shock. Then we got back to the hotel and Santana lost it. Plane ride was silent."

"But you seem so happy." Blaine said after his heart began beating again after Rachel telling him that Finn kissed her.

"It was still amazing. I had breakfast at Tiffany's, met Patti LuPone, and sang on a Broadway stage…" Rachel said happily, reminiscing.

Blaine smiled and slipped, "I love you." Blaine realized he meant it. Rachel didn't need to say it back, he thought she loved him at any rate, and he wouldn't force her to.

Rachel's eyes widened in shock, but her smiling lips told him it was good. "I love you too."

Blaine took Rachel home afterwards, kissing her goodbye, and promising to call tomorrow.

Rachel took her bags inside and up to her room, seeing the piece of glass waiting for her. Rachel reached for it when her phone buzzed. It was a text from Blaine.

**From: Blaine**

**To: Rachel**

**I love you. :) 3**

Rachel put the glass down and smiled responding,

**From: Rachel**

**To: Blaine**

**I love you more. :) 3**

Rachel turned her phone to silent and just went to bed, completely forgetting the glass, and missing the text she received from Blaine.

**From: Blaine**

**To: Rachel**

**I hate my rents! Rach im so srry bt we r leaving early Their picking me up tmrrw. I rlly rlly wntd to spnd my lst week w/ you. Ill call tmrrw like I promised, but skyping is gunna have to strt littl earlier thn plnnd. Dnt forget I love YOU. xoxo 3 3**


	2. Chapter 2

"_I know what it's like to want to die; how it hurts to smile; how you try to fit in but you can't; how you hurt yourself on the outside; to try to kill the thing that's on the inside." – Anonymous_

_**Chapter 2**_

Rachel woke the next morning happy for the first time in a long time.

"Blaine told me he loved me." Rachel said to herself, smiling at the memory. Rachel turned over in her bed and saw that she had a missed text from Blaine. Her smile faded immediately as she read the text.

**Leaving early.**

**Tomorrow.**

**Skyping is going to have to start little earlier than planned.**

Rachel's eyes filled with tears and reached for her glass, thinking, _one cut for each worry. One slice for each time I think of Blaine, who was I to believe I could be happy?_

Rachel dragged through school that day, wearing the last of her clean sweaters, a thick wool reindeer sweater. She received many stares, her heart just sinking lower and lower each moment, feeling the band-aids move under the sweater, the shooting pain from the cuts throughout the entire day.

Finn was kicking himself after school for kissing Rachel, but she just didn't have the energy to care. Blaine was gone. She would spend the summer all alone.

"Rachel," Kurt called after her when the last glee meeting had ended.

Rachel turned around slowly, Kurt seeing the bags and redness in her eyes. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay? You didn't seem all there during Glee today." Kurt asked, worried.

Rachel and Kurt had reconnected during the trip to New York, and Kurt seemed to finally get over the fact Blaine was bisexual and dating Rachel. It was normal again.

"Blaine's parents are making him go to California all summer. They were supposed to leave Monday, but are leaving today instead."

"I'm sorry." Kurt said hugging his friend. "Listen, how about a girl's night at my house? Just you and me. It'll be a lot of fun." Kurt offered. He didn't want Rachel to be alone.

Rachel was wary. "Are you sure? I'm sure Mercedes wants to do something…"

"Pshaw, Mercedes is going to be busy with Sam tonight," Rachel's eyes widened. She hadn't known… "Yeah, she doesn't think I know, but I do. So, end of the year, musical sleepover. I'll even give you one of my famous facials."

Rachel couldn't resist. Kurt's facials were legendary. "Okay. Let me run home and pack a bag and I'll be over." Rachel said.

"Okay." Kurt said, smiling before asking, "Wait, you don't need to ask your dads'?"

Rachel's mood saddened slightly. "They're on a business trip. I think Europe? Maybe Asia. I've lost track." Rachel had already walked away before Kurt could respond.

He felt bad for her. Her boyfriend was going to be 3,000 miles away for the whole summer, and her dads' had pretty much gone MIA on business trips. She could definitely use a girl's night. No one should have to spend their summer alone.

Rachel stopped at home, and grabbed her things, picking up the pictures from a mall photo booth of her and Blaine if she began to miss him too much. She took one last look around the house in case she missed anything, and walked outside, just as Blaine pulled up.

"Blaine?" Rachel gasped as Blaine got out.

"Hey." He said smiling as Rachel ran up and jumped into his arms. They kissed each other deeply, glad to be together again.

"What, I thought," Rachel stammered.

"My parents are jerks that's what." Blaine said putting Rachel down and hugging her. "I told them while you were in New York that I had a girlfriend, and they didn't believe me. They thought it was my cover for Kurt. So in a twisted attempt to keep me at home, they said we were leaving early, when in fact we aren't leaving until Monday. So I left and came here."

Rachel's brow furrowed. The only word escaping, "Oh…"

Blaine shrugged and laughed. "Anyways, I was hoping to take you to meet them tonight. To prove that you actually exist." Blaine said hopefully, playing with Rachel's hands.

"I can't." Rachel finally said.

Blaine looked curious. Rachel answered the unasked question, "I'm spending the night at Kurt's. Girl's Night End of the Year Sleepover Bash. I wish I could though."

Blaine looked sad. "How about tomorrow?" Rachel asked, hopeful.

Blaine's eyes brightened. "Yeah. That's perfect. I can pick you up from Kurt's say, 2:00? I'll take you back home to get ready, and we can drive out to meet my parents."

Rachel smiled. "That sounds wonderful." Blaine returned the warm smile, and they got into Blaine's car and drove to Kurt's. Rachel kissed him goodbye and went up to the door and knocked.

Blaine pulled away, seeing the door open, and Kurt embrace Rachel warmly. He smiled, knowing things were returning back to normal. Happy Rachel would have someone during the summer, seeing as her dads' would be traveling the entire time.

Rachel had been welcomed with a warm hug from Kurt. They had gone downstairs immediately, and put Funny Girl in. Halfway through, Rachel had to go to the bathroom. BAD.

"I'll be right back." Rachel said getting up and jogging up the stairs. Rachel found the bathroom easily enough, and came out quickly. She began her walk back to the basement but was stopped by a voice.

"Rachel." Rachel turned around, to see Finn staring. "Rachel, I, I want you back." Finn said pleading, as he walked up to her and grasped her arms.

Rachel squirmed. "Finn, I love Blaine. I'm done with you." Rachel finally said, escaping his grasp, only for him to catch her sleeve and see the multiple scars on her arm.

Rachel stopped dead, Finn's eyes widening. Rachel pulled her arm away and ran back downstairs, leaving a shocked Finn. Finn didn't stay standing there long, pretending like he hadn't seen the scars Rachel had obviously been inflicting on herself. _It couldn't be real,_ he told himself. _It was all in my imagination_, he chanted, finally giving up on ever getting Rachel back, not positive if really even wanted her back. She really was a freak.

Rachel stopped at the top of the stairs, closing the door and regaining her composure before she went back down. The rest of the night went smoothly, no more Finn, Rachel just assumed he was avoiding her after seeing her scars.

When Blaine arrived at two the next afternoon, Rachel was glad to escape even though spending the time with Kurt had been wonderful. She just felt like she was on pins and needles with Finn just a floor above them.

"Hey," Blaine asked Rachel as they drove back to her house so she could get ready, noticing her relief when he had arrived, "are you okay? You look like I saved you."

Rachel came out of her stupor and looked at Blaine thinking up a lie easily. "Finn, he is just really intent on winning me back. Spending time with Kurt was wonderful, but with Finn there it just made everything very awkward."

Blaine took this at face value, just like the onion excuse. He didn't believe her, but pushing wouldn't help either. "Okay. Well, my parents are very white-collar. A sundress should be perfect, and if you pull your hair into a clip with soft makeup, what?" Blaine asked at Rachel's incredulous look as he told her exactly what to do.

"I used to be gay remember?" He said, joking, eliciting a giggle from Rachel.

"I think you are adorable Blaine, and I love you, but really, you worry too much. I'll be fine. After all what's not to love about me?" Rachel joked as they pulled into the driveway.

Blaine smiled warmly, neither getting out of that car even though it was turned off, both entranced with each other's warm smiles, the home that neither had been able to find until meeting each other.

Blaine leaned forward, lips inches from Rachel's soft pink ones, whispering before kissing her softly, "I have no idea."

They went inside after that, Blaine hanging out in Rachel's room while she showered. The scabs had already formed over her latest cuts, but using cover up would be extremely difficult, nonetheless Blaine had chosen a simple white sundress. Medium straps, and a v-neck, with a flowing skirt.

Rachel opened a drawer that held skin toned sleeves that slid up just over her elbow. She slid them on, the scars and scabs disappearing immediately. Rachel slid the dress on next, the body fitting perfectly, and twirling. She looked beautiful. Her lips were a soft pink, along with her blush, her freshly blow-dried hair, pulled back into a clip, her bangs falling gracefully onto her face. Rachel smiled. How could his parents not like her?

Rachel stepped out, and did a spin for Blaine, who was smiling. To him, she was beautiful no matter what, but this was really amazing. She looked graceful and dainty, sweet. Everything Blaine loved about her. His parents couldn't hate her.

"You're beautiful, as always," Blaine smiling and hugging Rachel tightly, grasping her hand and walking towards the door, "Not, let's go. Mom and dad will love you. I promise."

"I repeat, how could they not?"

They were both way off.

They made it to Blaine's house with plenty of time, his mother greeting them both warmly, saying that Blaine's father was still at work, so they could just hang out until he got home. They decided to go into the living room where a grand piano sat off in the corner.

Blaine sat down at the piano and began to play random notes, which melded into a beautiful version of Katy Perry's Teenage Dream.

"I didn't know you played." Rachel said surprised, as she sat down next to him on the bench.

"I never really got professionally trained," Blaine said, the song coming to a close, "I just kinda messed around until I picked it up. It's just a matter of making up chords that go with the melody, really."

Blaine began to play another familiar tune on the piano, Rachel stopping him almost immediately. "Why this song?"

Blaine's lips quirked as leaned forward and whispered, "Because I think you can sing it better."

Rachel's hand dropped as she let Blaine start over, immersing herself in the music.

"_Hmmm, hmmm_

_All my life  
>I've waited for the right<br>Moment to let you know  
>I don't wanna let you go<em>

_But now I've realized  
>There's just no perfect time<br>To confess how I feel  
>This much I know is real," <em>Rachel sang to Blaine, pouring her heart out to him in song.

_"So I refuse to waste one more second  
>Without you knowing my heart<em>

_Baby, cause I don't  
>Need anything else but your love<br>Nothing but you means a thing to me  
>I'm incomplete<em>

_With you not there  
>Holding me, touching me, I swear<br>All of the rest could just disappear  
>And I wouldn't even care<br>As long as you're there" _Blaine was magic, she forgot the pain she felt, she forgot about the glass with him.__

_Take these words  
>Don't let them go unheard<br>This is me reaching out  
>I hope you can hear me now<em>

_'Cause, baby, my heart's at stake  
>Take it, it's yours to break<br>I'd rather try and lose  
>Than keep this love from you,"<em> Rachel thought about how only when she was with him, did she forget about the piece of glass sitting at home.

_"So I refuse to waste one more second  
>Without you knowing my heart<em>

_Baby, cause I don't  
>Need anything else but your love<br>Nothing but you means a thing to me  
>I'm incomplete,"<em> Blaine was pounding on the piano losing himself in the music and Rachel, the notes ringing out with her voice, forgetting his mother was just in the other room. It was just about each other.

_"With you not there  
>Holding me, touching me, I swear<br>All of the rest could just disappear  
>And I wouldn't even care<br>As long as you're there_

_Each day  
>And night<br>That I kept this a secret  
>it killed me<br>It's time  
>To share what I feel inside,<em>

_I don't  
>Need anything else but your love<br>Nothing but you means a thing to me  
>I'm incomplete<em>

_With you not there  
>Holding me, touching me, I swear<br>All of the rest could just disappear  
>And I wouldn't even care<br>As long as you're there  
>As long as you're there." <em>Rachel sang out, the note hanging in the air the two teenagers staring at each other adoringly, about to kiss when someone yawned.

They snapped their heads to the source of the sound, Mrs. Anderson smiling widely, as opposed to her husband who looked bored and walked off to the dinner table saying, "Mediocre, at _best_."

Rachel's eyes widened, Blaine's jaw dropped, neither being able to find the words to Mr. Anderson's comment.

"That was beautiful, Rachel. Blaine didn't mention that you sang." Mrs. Anderson said, still smiling. Rachel couldn't help but think that it was fake.

"Well," Rachel sputtered, Blaine helping her stand as the three walked to the dining room, "I do a quite a bit of it actually. I love theater as well."

Blaine pulled out Rachel's chair like a gentleman, and then sat in his own, next to her, his parents facing them. It was extremely intimidating.

"You're a junior like Blaine?" Mrs. Anderson questioned further, Rachel merely nodded, her superfluous vocabulary failing her, still reeling from Mr. Anderson's harsh comment, her guard down.

"Where do you want to go to college?" Mr. Anderson finally asked, injecting himself in the conversation.

Rachel finally began to relax, excited that maybe they would accept her high standards and hopes. "My dream is Juilliard or NYU. Well, New York City more than anything. I love it there."

"The musical theatre business I assume?" Mr. Anderson asked almost as if it were something to be looked down on.

"Yes, dad. I believe in Rachel," Blaine responded for her, Rachel sending him a grateful smile, "She is the star of her glee club, and has been performing since she was one."

"I believe in myself Mr. Anderson, and that is ¾ of the actual battle." Rachel said after Blaine.

Mr. Anderson rolled his eyes and scoffed muttering, "I should have expected that considering your kind."

"I'm sorry?" Rachel asked, getting angry now.

Blaine's eyes widened at his father's homophobic comment, embarrassed for himself and for Rachel. "Dad," he warned.

"No, Blaine. I should have expected that you would go from being gay, to dating a girl with two gay fathers. And going to Juilliard? NYU? It is highly unrealistic." His father stated as if it were just fact, a horrible fact, but fact nonetheless.

And they were still on salad.

"Mr. Anderson," Rachel began, but was quickly stopped by Blaine's hand on hers, whispering,

"Rachel, just let it go."

"That's right Blaine," Mr. Anderson said finally approving, "Keep control of your woman."

Rachel eyes nearly popped out of her head, fury rising, her mouth hanging open in disbelief.

A timer in the kitchen dinged. "Oh look at that," Mrs. Anderson said with relief getting up and practically running to the kitchen, "dinner is ready."

Rachel closed her eyes and took a deep breath, Mr. Anderson looking quite satisfied with himself, not even realizing how abrasive and offensive he was being.

"Blaine" Rachel whispered, "Could you tell me where the bathroom is? I should freshen up before I eat what I know will be a magnificent dinner."

"I will show you," Blaine said quickly, grabbing her hand and pulling Rachel out of the dining room, upstairs to where the bathroom stood.

"Rachel, I" Blaine began, but was cut off quickly by Rachel's short, angry, words.

"Never, I mean, I've met- he, that was just, NEVER," Rachel sputtered, words falling out, but not in sentences.

"Rachel, my father is very traditional…and homophobic, but look at it this way, the sooner we get back, the sooner we get out." Blaine said, trying to calm Rachel down.

"He insulted my voice!" Rachel whisper-yelled.

Blaine hugged Rachel and whispered so as not to be heard, "I know, and you have a beautiful voice, but my dad is a dick and thinks that anyone who wants to be someone is wasting their time, and he hates anyone even slightly affiliated with gay community. Unless their fighting against it."

Rachel pulled away, looking like she was crushed. "Rachel, you are doing amazing. Kurt lost it a lot sooner than you did, and I wasn't able to keep him from flipping out on my dad."

"Blaine, I have dealt with people like your father, I just, I want him to like me so much. But honestly, I feel like slapping him."

Blaine chuckled and began to lead Rachel back to the dining room. "Welcome to my world."

They came back to the dining room, smiling brightly again, ready for round two.

"Rachel, I hope you like roast beef." Mrs. Anderson said happily.

Rachel gaped and Blaine just threw his head in his hands, they just couldn't win.

Blaine was about to tell his mother that Rachel was vegan when Rachel smiling brightly said, "Of course, roast beef is one of my favorites."

Blaine looked at Rachel in shock. "What are you doing?" He whispered as they sat down.

"Sucking it up. But we're going to need to stop on the way home." Rachel whispered back as Mrs. Anderson piled the roast beef onto Rachel's plate, Rachel doing her very best not to be sick.

Blaine nodded. Rachel must really love him; she was eating roast beef for him. He admired her in that moment. She even managed to down the ice cream his mom served for dessert. Rachel left only once more to fix her makeup, applying more blush than necessary to keep Blaine's parents from noticing her becoming green.

When they left, Rachel got a forced smile that turned more into a grimace from Blaine's father, and a warm hug from his mother, who told her she was welcome anytime.

The car ride home was silent, Rachel asking to stop once while she puked up her dinner. Blaine, who felt so bad, could only hold her hair and rub her back, nothing left to say.

They pulled up to Rachel's house, both getting out and walking to the door. The night was warm, the sky clear, while Rachel was attempting to keep her eyes from welling up in front of Blaine.

"Rachel I-" Blaine began.

"Blaine, it's fine." Rachel said, cutting off Blaine.

"No it's not. I can see it in your eyes; you're trying not to cry. Just tell me how you feel."

Rachel shook her head but finally looked up and said frustrated and angry, "Fine. I have never wanted two people to like me more than tonight, and they hate me Blaine, they hated me. I'm crushed. But you have to go home because you have to pack. I'll see you when you get home. I love you."

Rachel kissed Blaine on the cheek before walking inside and closing the door in Blaine's face before he could protest. She put her back against the door and slid down until she was curled up on the floor, finally crying the tears she had been holding back all night.


	3. Chapter 3

"_I just realized that were all a bunch of actresses and we've fooled everyone into believing that we're all okay... I'm just waiting for the day when I can convince myself of that."- Anonymous_

_**Chapter 3**_

Rachel couldn't be sure when she finally heard the knocks and pleads from Blaine on the other side of the door stop. And she wasn't sure when she finally picked herself up and went upstairs, tearing the sleeves off and almost ripping the glass into her arms.

The pain felt so good.

Rachel felt the familiar throbbing, the pounding and dizziness in her head as the blood came trickling out slowly, her scarlet blood oozing, her arm swelling again. It was the best escape. To Rachel it was almost beautiful. Her only escape when things were as bad as they could possibly get.

_One cut for each insult, deeper for the ones that really hurt_, cathartic for her.

Rachel wasn't exactly sure when she finally fell asleep, maybe passed out, but she did awake in the morning, a pool of blood where her arms had been.

Rachel jolted up, and quickly began the all too familiar process of cleaning her sheets. If the stains didn't come out, she would just go back to Sheets-N-Things and get a new set, the employees would know exactly what she wanted.

After tossing her sheets into the wash, Rachel made her way back to her bathroom where she began to clean and bandage the newest wounds, applying scar cream over the older ones, though with Blaine gone this summer she wasn't sure how much it would help.

This brought Rachel back to the events of the previous night. She felt horrible, and she didn't want Blaine leaving thinking she hated him. Rachel felt herself reaching for her phone almost out of instinct, finding Blaine's number and dialing.

"Rachel," Blaine gasped with happiness after picking up after the first ring, "Thank god. Listen,"

"No." Rachel cut Blaine off. "You listen. I'm sorry, I needed to take in everything that happened, and I behaved horribly. You have nothing to apologize for. You can't control your parents. I love you, Blaine, whether your parents love me or not. It's not a deal breaker."

"Rachel," Blaine began after pause, digesting everything that Rachel had just told him, "It's okay. It had nothing to do with you. You were perfect. You know, my mom loved you; it's really just my dad. He-"

"Blaine, just stop. I get it. Your dad does not approve of my dreams or my parentage. And you know what? That sucks for him, because he is missing out on knowing someone amazing." Rachel said determinedly, not needing to hear Blaine make excuses for his father anymore.

There was silence for a moment. Then finally a whispered, "I love you so much."

Rachel chuckled. "I love you more."

"Rach, I need help packing." Blaine said, Rachel picking up on the mischievous tone in his voice.

Rachel giggled. "I suppose men are helpless…"

Blaine laughed on the other end asking, "So does that mean you'll come over?"

"I'll be there in an hour."

Rachel hung up, and grabbed her keys, forgetting about her sheets and everything that had happened the previous night instantly, wanting only to see Blaine. Rachel plugged her iPod into her car, turning on her love playlist, As Long As You're There playing first. Rachel couldn't help but smile at how perfect the song was. Even in New York, when Sunshine had been singing it, she was thinking of Blaine and how when he was there, she forgot about everything because he just made everything perfect for her.

Rachel continued to drive, Teenage Dream playing eventually, Rachel thinking that Blaine's version was much better as she pulled into his large, U-shaped driveway, his large home towering over Rachel's head, immediately wondering if Blaine's parents were home.

Rachel still found the strength to get out of her car and walk to the front door and knock, her desire to see Blaine stronger than any fear. She waited a moment when, finally the door opened.

"Oh, it you. Blaine, she's here." Mr. Anderson called out in an uncaring, disgust filled monotone.

Rachel had it. "Okay Mr. Anderson, I have never met someone so pig headed. I am done being nice to you because it's impossible! You're a jackass! I somehow manage to hold my tongue during school even though I get picked on endlessly, even though I get slushied on a daily basis, and yet one dinner with you and I can't NOT say anything. I am proud of my fathers' and having them has made me stronger. Did you know I met my mother? She said she wanted me and then left and adopted another girl's daughter. So, honestly, I don't really want a mother."

Mr. Anderson was silent for a moment, still standing with the superior air before saying, "It doesn't surprise me, you being an insolent little girl with freaks of nature as parents."

Rachel got even angrier, and more hurt. "DO YOU EVEN HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING? I don't a need a mother! I certainly don't need you. I only NEED one person. I need your son. I love Blaine with all of my heart and he makes everything in my life better just by being him. I will follow him to the ends of the earth and do what he asks of me, but just know, I REFUSE to be treated like an animal, or like freak of nature by you or anyone else. Because I'm not. I am human being, I'm your son's GIRLFRIEND and you will treat me as such." Rachel finished, Mr. Anderson looking as though Rachel had slapped him.

"You will not speak to me that way." Mr. Anderson spit.

"You deserved it." Mr. Anderson and Rachel whipped their heads to the stairs where Blaine was standing, looking infuriated.

Rachel immediately began to backtrack, "Blaine, I, I'm"

"No Rachel, don't apologize. My father deserved it." Blaine said, coming down the stairs and hugging Rachel. "Dad, you can't treat people like that. And I am surprised that you handled her mother abandoning her like she asked for it! She didn't. Rachel has a good heart, and has just put in horrible situation after horrible situation in her life." Blaine said, holding Rachel and looking lovingly into her eyes as he continued.

"But I love her. She is my girlfriend and you have to treat her that way. I won't let you treat her like she is less than us, because she is better. She may not have as much money and her family may be unconventional, but Rachel is kind, and caring. She has an enormous heart, something you and mom can't say." Rachel smiled warmly at Blaine, wanting to cry from happiness at how highly he thought of her, Blaine's father stunned into shock as Blaine defended Rachel.

Blaine then turned back to his father and said,

"Rachel is going to help me pack, and then I'm going with her to her house, I'm not spending the last night of my summer home here." Blaine finished, waiting for a reaction from his stunned father before taking Rachel's hand and running upstairs with her to his room, shutting and locking the door.

Rachel stood next to Blaine's bed across the room, Blaine leaning against the door both staring at each other, processing what had just happened. Rachel was terrified. Blaine however, laughed. He laughed so hard he was on the floor holding his stomach and managed to choke out, "That…w, was…s, ss, so, funny! It felt, it felt…a, a, amazing!"

"That was NOT funny!" Rachel scolded, Blaine finally ceasing his laughter.

"I'm sorry, you're right. That was not funny, but you topped Kurt's explosion by like twenty!" More glaring. He knew she was worried about what her dad thought about her now. "Listen, my dad respects people who stand up for themselves. He may not approve of you completely, which you seem to understand, but he respects you which is a hard thing to earn."

"Really?" Rachel whispered, her eyes softening.

Blaine stood up and walked over to her looking Rachel in the eyes and nodding.

"Really." Rachel smiled softly, and brought Blaine in for a kiss, when Blaine, to make her smile began tickling Rachel, reducing her to a giggling mess on the floor as she laughed, squealed and tried to run.

"Ahh!" Rachel squealed as the pair collapsed onto the bed, Blaine landing on top of her, "Stop! Oh my god, stop it!" She squealed with delight.

Finally ceasing, Blaine laid on top of Rachel their bodies barely touching, as they looked into each other's eyes, before Blaine closed the short distance, kissing Rachel lightly on the lips.

Rachel pulled away much too soon for Blaine's liking, rolling out from under him and throwing a pair of swim shorts at his head saying, "You do still have to pack, you know."

Blaine pouted. "But I don't wanna!"

Rachel giggled and thought for a moment before smiling wickedly. "If you pack now, we can continue later." She whispered, smiling sultrily and raising an eyebrow.

Blaine immediately popped up from his spot on the bed and began running around him room like a tornado folding and packing things away into his two suitcases. Rachel began laughing hysterically at her boyfriend's antics, Rachel reaching into his closet and pulling out a nice suit. If she knew Blaine's parents well enough, she knew they would be attending at least one gala or party, so she took on suit and one tux, putting them carefully into garments bags, pinning two post-its on them before zipping them up, and packing each carefully into separate suitcases, zipping them both shut while Blaine left the room to grab his hygiene items.

After that the afternoon went quickly, and Rachel left just before dinner even though Mrs. Anderson invited her to stay.

"It's really fine Mrs. Anderson. My dads' will be expecting me home soon anyways" Rachel lied politely. She really just didn't want to spend any unnecessary time with Mr. Anderson.

Blaine instinctively put his arm around Rachel, understanding almost immediately. "Well, okay. And thank you for coming over and helping my Blainey-Boo pack. I've never seem be that quick! Usually I'm double and triple checking and nagging him to finish the day we leave!"

Rachel chuckled and said, "Well, I find if he is motivated properly, you can get him to do almost anything."

Mrs. Anderson laughed at the sight of her son turning bright red. "And what did you bribe him with exactly?"

"Chocolate." Rachel lied, as the three burst out laughing.

Rachel said goodbye after that, Blaine promising to call later before they went to bed. Rachel made her way home after that, returning to the empty home, suddenly wishing that she was spending an awkward, but delicious dinner with Blaine rather than eating Ramen noodles and watching Funny Girl alone in her bedroom.

The night went just as she had assumed. She got ready for bed after talking to Blaine, and then sent herself to sleep, escaping the pain and the alienation the best way she knew how.

She woke up the next morning, realizing Blaine was already on a plane out to sunny California, having received a text from him at 5 A.M. reading:** Getting ready to board and I'm already missing you! :) I love you star! 3**

Rachel smiled inwardly. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad. Her dad's were due home in two weeks, and it seemed like she would be spending some time with her glee clubbers this summer. They were starting to hate her just a little less.

Rachel prepared herself for the day. She was meeting Kurt for lunch at Breadstix, and she wanted to look marginally normal.

"Hey Kurt!" Rachel waved from across the restaurant when she walked in. He was sitting at a small booth in the back.

"Hey Rachel!" Kurt greeted, getting up and hugging Rachel, sitting down in the middle, Rachel finally noticing the third person at the booth. "This is Tyler," Kurt said smiling widely, stars in his eyes, "We met like two days ago, and really hit it off!"

Tyler smiled awkwardly from his spot and reached his hand out. "Hi." He whimpered.

Rachel felt bad for him. This boy certainly wouldn't last long. "Hey, my name is Rachel. So you're Kurt's new beau?" She inquired kindly.

Tyler shrugged. "I guess…I mean we met like two days ago, and"

"It's just been wonderful!" Kurt practically squealed. "Oh, we just have SO much in common…" Kurt squealed beginning to rattle off random things they apparently had in common, going into extreme detail about how they met.

Rachel stopped paying attention though rather quickly looking at the scared boy across the table. She doubted he was as committed to Kurt as Kurt was to Tyler. Thankfully, the waitress came then, Kurt ordering for himself and Tyler, Rachel ordering a small salad.

When they got their food, Kurt began to include Tyler, quickly forgetting about Rachel, Rachel suddenly missing Blaine very much and feeling very alone. She finally saw why Kurt was so taken with Tyler, when they began to talk; they lost themselves in each other forgetting everyone else. Rachel suddenly felt like it was going to be a lonely summer.

Rachel left early, but left money for Kurt to pay for her lunch so he didn't have to pick up her tab. Rachel left for home and made popcorn and watched South Pacific. Alone.

She eagerly awaited the call from her fathers' that night; letting her know the exact date and time they would be arriving home.

The call came around 7 o'clock. Rachel had just finished watching Annie, and had gotten off the phone with Blaine him gushing about how he got his own room on a separate floor from his parents due to a scheduling mix-up, meaning he could spend as much time skyping, calling, or texting Rachel as he wanted without getting yelled at by his parents.

"Hello my baby girl!" Leroy Berry said happily to his daughter over the phone.

"Hi daddy! How is papa?" Rachel greeted the first of her daddies. As much as she hated them for never being there, they were still her father's, and she loved knowing there was some adult figure out there that cared. Friends could only do so much.

"Papa is good! We are loving Milan! We are going to the Louvre in 2 weeks! How is your summer going?" her father gushed excitedly.

Rachel sighed into the phone, she had always wanted to visit Paris. Wait? 2 weeks? "My summer is going well, daddy. But two weeks? I thought you were coming home for a month in two weeks."

She heard her father sigh into the phone, and then change hands. "Hi honey! Listen, we visited o little boutique and found the prettiest charm bracelet and dress! We sent it to you a week ago! It should be there today or tomorrow!" Hiram Berry said happily to his daughter. They were deflecting.

"Papa, that is very nice, and I am sure I will love it, but you and daddy SPECIFICALLY said you would be coming home in two weeks. Count them, one TWO. What happened?" Rachel said, already becoming distressed. But her fathers never found out. They were oblivious. Or gone.

More sighing and then finally, with an ashamed tone to her papa's voice, he said, "Honey, Mr. Edinburgh, our boss, he extended the trip. He wants us to go to the Louvre, learn and feel more art, and then send us off to Germany to pick up some more art for his private collection."

Rachel frowned deeply and spat, "How long?"

"…October." Rachel's eyes widened.

"PAPA! DADDY! You're going to miss my birthday! My 17th birthday, Papa!"

"I know honey," Her father said calmly into the phone, but Rachel was past reason.

"No! I am so DONE with missed New Year's, Hanukah's, Easter's, birthdays, and any other holidays I've forgotten! You NEVER call unless it's to extend your trip, or to speak to me for an hour on my birthday or Hanukkah! And then you try and make up for it by buying me things! So that dress you bought me THIS time? I'm tearing it up and BURNING it! Goodbye! I HATE YOU!" She screamed into the phone, before hanging up and beginning to cry.

Did they just not love her? Rachel felt herself reaching for the glittering tool of torture when her computer began playing 'Don't You Want Me?' signaling Blaine was skyping her, probably just trying to test the connection. She would've just ignored him, but then he would worry.

Rachel reluctantly reached for her laptop, and took a deep breath to calm herself before facing Blaine's warm hazel eyes sitting in a luxurious and large hotel room.

"Hey Star!" Blaine called to Rachel, "I was just checking the- hey, what's wrong?" Blaine asked seeing Rachel's red eyes, tears, and frown. He hated seeing the sparkle gone.

"Hmm?" Rachel sniffled, trying to act like everything was okay, "Oh, nothing's wrong, everything is fine. There's no need to worry."

Blaine frowned and raised his eyebrows. "Rachel, don't even TRY lying to me, there are tears streaming down your face and you're sniffling." His eyes softened. "Talk to me."

"I talked to my dads," Rachel said after a moment. Blaine's features suddenly hardened, anything that started with her father's never ended well. "They're in Milan and they've sent me another present to make up for the fact they're not coming home until October."

Blaine looked enraged. "They're going to miss your birthday! Again!"

"That's what I said! Anyways, apparently they've sent me a charm bracelet, and dress from Milan, but screamed and yelled that I was going to rip the dress up and burn it, which right now, still seems like a pretty good idea."

Blaine shook his head slightly at his girlfriend's melodramatic tendencies. "Rachel,"

There was a knock at the door. "Hold on," Rachel said to the monitor before getting up and answering the door. Blaine heard some muffled conversation before Rachel's polite goodbye. She sat in front of the monitor once more, a large brown UPS box now in her hand looking rather cross.

"I don't want to open it." Rachel pouted.

Blaine chuckled. "The only reason you don't want to open it is because you know when you look at the dress, which will most likely be accompanied with shoes, you'll love the dress too much to tear it up OR burn it."

Rachel frowned adorably. "WILL NOT!" She yelled like a five year old, before running off screen to the kitchen where she grabbed a small paring knife tearing through the tape and beginning to rip the box open, excited to see the contents.

Blaine laughed as the cardboard flew with the packing paper and peanuts. And while he would never tell Rachel this, as much as he hated the fact her dads thought they could make up their absence in presents, some of the stuff was really nice and thoughtful, and Rachel just throwing it out was painful. If was able to get her excited about it, he would. And challenging her was a great way of doing just that.

Rachel pulled out the charm bracelet first gasping at how pretty it was. It was a simple silver chain link with charms hanging off. One was a black treble clef and bass clef that made up a heart, another charm a gold star, a diamond heart, and the last being a black music note. It was everything Rachel was and more. She immediately put it on. That wasn't part of the challenge.

Rachel reached in again and gasped. She pulled out a pair of black colored heels, completely lace, with a large black silk bow on the toe.

"Blaine look at these!" Rachel squealed showing them off for Blaine. "Kurt was showing them to me online! They haven't even hit stores yet, and when they did, they were going to cost like 3,000 dollars! They're Loubotin's!"

Blaine chuckled. "Yes they are gorgeous. I remember you gushing about them, but you never mention these things to your dads, how would they have known?" He inquired.

"Well, they know my tastes! Oh, Blaine, we HAVE to go to prom this year! I'm going to find the perfect dress to match, and, OH MY GOD!" She screamed as she looked into the box. She whipped out a matching dress. "Wait right here!" She squealed as she bolted upstairs to try the dress on.

"I'll be right here." He called as she ran away.

Blaine knew she wouldn't be able to rip it up. Or burn it for that matter.

A few minutes later Rachel came sauntering down the stairs in her dress and shoes Blaine's jaw dropped. Holy CRAP.

The dress was a strapless nude silk with black lace silhouetting the entire dress, a medium sized silk black bow on the hip to accent it on the top. The dress hugged her amazing figure, ending at the middle of her thighs. It was a classy length, while still adding a sense of allure. In teenage boy terms, she was SEXY.

Rachel laughed at her boyfriend's awe-struck expression. "Do you like it?"

Blaine's mouth was dry, his brain had effectively stopped working. "I, I, uhhh, uhm, yes."

Rachel shook her head and laughed as she walked away, "Boys. I'll be right back."

Blaine regained enough brain function by the time that Rachel came back that he was able to tease, "So, I take it you aren't going to burn or rip the dress apart?"

Rachel pouted, realizing she had lost the challenge. And the power that dress gave her over Blaine…whoo. "No. No, I solemnly swear I will not rip apart or burn the dress."

Blaine smiled, "I thought so. Now tell me about this Tyler…" Blaine looked away from the screen and to the door. "Hold on." Blaine got up and walked to the door, when he came back he smiled apologetically and said, "Hey Rach, my parents just came to get me for dinner. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

Rachel smiled and nodded. "Definitely. And I will fill you in on Tyler. I love you."

"I love you too!" Blaine smiled and they blew each other a kiss before his screen went black, signaling the call had ended.

Rachel's happiness lasted only a short while, the darkness beginning to engulf her. Rachel, in a depressed haze, made her way up the stairs and readied herself for bed, wearing her pink and purple polka dot pajama's and a purple tank top to match. They were Blaine's favorite.

The pain began to fill her, searing throughout her body, begging to be released, and before she knew it, it was gone. Replaced by a more mundane throbbing. Not piercing, but a slow, dull, throb. It was as if the emotional pain just flew away. And now all that was left was to float into sweet, sweet oblivion.

At least for now.


	4. Chapter 4

"_I just wish I could roll back the clocks to when things were the same... when we were all just a bunch of crazy teenagers looking for a wild time. But now, things aren't the same. Each of us have gone our different ways. We change, people change, things just change, and we aren't those crazy teenagers looking for a wild time anymore. We're teenagers looking for a person to love and a person to hug when we're in need." – Anonymous_

_**Chapter 4**_

The rest of Rachel's summer was slow and painful, Kurt forgetting about her because of Tyler. It wasn't like he completely forgot about her, but he was always with Tyler. It just depressed her seeing him so happy when her man was 3,000 miles away.

So she stopped.

Rachel still called, texted, and Skyped Blaine constantly, but he knew something was up. He knew she was unhappy. But now it was the last night before Blaine was to return and Rachel couldn't be happier.

"I'm so excited to see you again Blaine!" Rachel said happily looking into the computer screen for the last time for the summer.

Blaine smiled his own million watt, goofy smile towards Rachel. The summer had been amazing, but he had missed Rachel so much. "I know! I have missed you so much. And guess what? I talked to my parents, more like begged, but they said I could transfer to McKinley for my senior year so I could spend more time with you!"

"No way!" Rachel screamed. They had already worked everything out so that they would see each other with as much time as was possible because Blaine already knew that getting the okay from his parents to transfer would be nearly impossible, but it didn't mean he wasn't going to try.

"Yes! It took all summer, and a promise to be in all A.P. classes so I kept up with the same difficulty at Dalton, but I finally got the okay last night! Rachel, I am going to make sure our senior year is amazing!"

"Oh my gosh Blaine, I'm so happy for you, for us even!" Rachel gushed, "And now you can join New Directions! Blaine you are so talented, you can probably knock Finn off of his pedestal and join me as male and female leads of New Directions!"

Blaine chuckled. "I love you. Listen my parents are here to take me for my last night out in California, but I really want to take you on a very special date when I get home,"

"I'll pick you up from the airport. Don't worry about it." Rachel smiled.

"That would be perfect. I'll text you exactly what I need you to pack. There is no way I'm letting you in on where and what this date is going to be. I haven't seen you all summer, missy, and I promise this will be special." Blaine said playfully.

"Alright!" Rachel whined with a wide smile gracing her lips, "It'll be a surprise, I promise! Now go enjoy your dinner and your last night in California! I love you!"

"I love you too! Goodbye!" Blaine yelled into the computer, no longer caring he was probably waking up the entire hotel, before both screens went blank.

Rachel got her text from Blaine only five minutes later, and was so excited she prepared the entire list that night. She fell into a blissful sleep, forgetting everything except the fact that Blaine would be back the next day.

Rachel's alarm went off at 5 A.M., she sat bolt upright in her bed, a goofy grin spreading across her face, tripping over her feet as she ran to the shower. Rachel made sure that she worked extra hard on her hair and makeup. Blaine hadn't seen Rachel in three months. She wanted to make sure she was everything and more than he remembered.

By 7 A.M. Rachel was ready and walking out the door. Blaine's flight would arrive at 8:30. Rachel was going to make a stop at the Lima Bean and grab coffee for the both of them, before getting to the airport at 8:20.

Rachel was looking around frantically come 8:45 for Blaine and yet still couldn't find him in the crowded airport.

Blaine saw Rachel's rainbow dress and matching beret before Rachel saw him. He dropped all of his bags and sprinted full speed ahead towards her. He grabbed her waist and whispered, "I missed you." He was met with a sudden shrill scream. It was definitely NOT Rachel.

Rachel whipped her head around, her blue and white skirt twirling around her legs as she heard a cute little girl that looked a lot like Rachel screaming because a man had just snuck up behind her. Rachel sped to where the little girl was, seeing Blaine standing frozen behind her in fear as the girl's large father began lumbering up to him.

"Stop!" Rachel yelled. "Stop! I'm sorry and I apologize for my currently stunned boyfriend, he thought your adorable daughter was me, his girlfriend." The little girl's father turned his fury to her now.

"Look!" She sputtered searching through her phone for the picture of her and Kurt in New York in her rainbow coat. "See?" She said showing the father her picture, "My style is sexy librarian school girl chic, or as my best friend Kurt might put a five year old and an eighty year old mashed together."

The father seemed to calm down considerably, and Rachel took her opening. "Alright, Blaine let's go! I'll take good care of him Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, see you later!" Rachel yelled over her shoulder as she dragged a still stunned Blaine out of the airport.

"What were you thinking?" Rachel shouted once they were safely out of the airport and at her car, smacking him on the arm, "You probably scarred that little girl for life!"

"Well, that wasn't quite the airport reunion I imagined…" Blaine muttered.

"I'd say not!" Rachel shouted.

Blaine seemed to think of an idea though. "How about this?" He said, not even giving Rachel a chance to respond before his arm was around her waist pulling her to him, and his lips were crashing down on hers hungrily, expressing everything they hadn't been able to over the last three months. Finally Blaine released Rachel, Rachel stumbling back a little bit at his sudden release.

At last Rachel said airily, bringing herself closer to Blaine once more, "Definitely," before the both smiled and leaned in for another kiss. It had been WAY too long.

When the couple finally pulled apart, smiling wider then they had in three months, both breathing heavily, Blaine said, "Ready for your special date?" Rachel could merely nod.

Blaine laughed, and scooping the keys out of Rachel's hands said, "I'll drive."

The car ride was quiet, and but for Rachel's nervous energy, it was comfortable. The pair had spent three months apart and now that they had been reunited, just being in each other's presence was enough.

They had been driving for about 15 minutes when, Rachel, finally too curious said, "Blaine, where are we,"

"Close your eyes!" Blaine shouted.

Rachel looked to him with wide eyes like he was a nut job. "What are you,"

"We're almost there! Close your eyes! I want you to be surprised!" Rachel giggled, but put her hand over eyes anyway.

After another minute or so, Rachel felt the car come to a stop, she heard, Blaine get out and the trunk open and close after a moment. Rachel sat there for a another few minutes, and just when she was about to take her hands off her eyes and run after Blaine, he opened her car door, and was gently leading her out of the car.

She felt the soft grass beneath her sandals as he led her up a soft incline, the warm sun and occasional breeze felt good on her skin. The air smelled clean, fresh, and she now heard a soft lapping nearby as Blaine brought her to a stop whispering, "Okay on the count of three, one," Rachel took in a deep breath, "two," She let it out her excitement and anticipation rising, "three."

Rachel let her hands drop, gasping as she took in the scene around her. Blaine had brought her to a secluded spot, right by a small lake, the water lapping very gently against a small sandy shore. There were large green oaks surrounding the area, creating intricate patterns on the lush grass peppered with bright yellow daffodils.

Rachel smiled and turned towards Blaine, "Blaine, this is so sweet. I love it."

Blaine returned Rachel's smile and grasped her hand lightly and led Rachel towards the red and white checkered blanket speaking, "I used to come up here all the time before I met you or Kurt. It was a way to just get away and think. Be myself for an hour or so. So I decided when I came back, I wanted our first date to be special. Simple. Just you and me."

"Blaine this is so special. I couldn't imagine anything better for our first date back." Rachel leaned over and pecked Blaine on the lips, a silent thank you, pulling back and beginning to dig through the basket, pulling out two freshly made sandwiches, one roast beef for Blaine(it was his favorite) and one vegetable mini sub for herself.

"So tell me all about California."

Blaine smiled after swallowing one satisfying bite of his sandwich and began. "Well on our first day, we just went to dinner but…" His story went on and on, both laughing through some of the crazier parts, like when Blaine was offered prescription weed while walking along the beach shops in Venice.

A while later, while the sun was glistening off the water making it sparkle Blaine's story came to a close. "It all sounded amazing. I wish I could have been there with you."

"Me too. But I did leave one thing out."

Rachel let her eyebrows furrow in confusion. "What did you leave out?"

"Our third week in, towards the end of June, my parents had to go to a special charity dinner. High profile, black tie, you know how it works."

Rachel giggled, "I don't but continue,"

"Well, I got dragged along, by the way I loved the little note you left on my tux, 'Just in case you feel like looking dapper, not that you already are', and there were a LOT of celebrities there. I have NO idea how my parents got the tickets. In any case, we got seated at the same table as Katy Perry, and Barbra Streisand."

Rachel's jaw dropped. "No. Way."

"Yes," Blaine said smiling widely, "They started talking with me, my parents were talking to some important politician's so they really didn't notice, but they were like talking to two old friends. They were so nice. So I told them about you."

"You didn't!" Rachel squealed, slapping Blaine's arm playfully and turning bright red.

Blaine laughed and continued, "I'm sure you'll get over it. So we're talking right? And towards the end of the dinner before they had to perform, they gave me presents to give to you."

Blaine pulled out a gold bracelet first, the word, 'FIREWORK' melded into it, which was wrapped loosely in a nice napkin with her signature. "It's gorgeous Blaine. I love it."

"She told me that if you ever started doubting yourself to take a look at that, and know that she was rooting for you. The autograph was just a bonus." Blaine said happily, helping Rachel to affix it to her wrist, the gold glittering in the sun.

Blaine wasn't done though. He next took out a long silver chain, and attached at the end was a simple ring. Rachel looked from Blaine to the ring and back, her eyes widening in shock as she held it carefully in her hands examining it and breathing slowly, "This isn't,"

"It's the ring Barbra wore in Funny Girl. She said that if you knew her the way she thought you did, you would know exactly what it was and cherish it even more than she did."

Rachel barely whispered, "I do." Before taking the chain and putting it around her neck where it was to stay safely for the rest of forever for as far as Rachel was concerned. "Blaine, this is so thoughtful. I couldn't think of a better homecoming gift. Today has already just been so perfect, and it was all because you finally came home."

"Rachel, I never wanted to leave in the first place," Blaine said, playing with Rachel's hands, he missed how perfectly they seemed to intertwine and fit together, "I wanted you there with me the entire time." Rachel smiled lightly. She had missed this, the compliments, the closeness, just being together.

"But enough about my summer, what did my favorite girl do with hers?" Blaine said, turning the conversation back to Rachel.

Rachel just shrugged, "Nothing really. I hung out with Kurt a little, watched through my entire library of musicals, you get the idea."

Blaine narrowed his eyes slightly, curious as to why Rachel seemed to have spent the entire summer seemingly alone, but once again, he didn't want to push, so he took her answer at face value and said, "Alright, how about we head back to your house and watch Love Story? I'll tell my parents that I'm sleeping over at Wes' and then I can stay at your house tonight."

Rachel's bright smile came back, "That sounds wonderful. Let's go." They cleaned everything up and said goodbye to the beautiful and cozy spot, the sun still sparkling off the lake as if it was saying goodbye.

They ordered Chinese and watched Love Story, memories of their first date flooding back that night. They made it through, reciting the lines together, smiling the whole way through. They both turned their phones off, wanting for that night to just be together. After Love Story, Blaine put in Anastasia, another favorite of theirs, Rachel curling far into Blaine's embrace as she lost herself in the movie and the familiar scent of Blaine. She quickly found her eyes drooping, eyelids getting heavier and heavier, and before Rachel knew it, she was out for the night. And she couldn't be comfier.

Blaine took Rachel into his embrace, the scent of her hair filling his senses, he missed that. He could feel Rachel relaxing, and before he knew it her soft purr she made when she slept was escaping her soft rosy lips. Blaine smiled, this was everything he missed. The small things, her purr, late movies, quiet dates, the smell of her hair. It had been a long flight, but it had been worth it to see Rachel again. The tiredness was sneaking up on him though now as the credits began to roll, and before he knew it, he was asleep, holding the one thing that meant more to him than anyone else.

Rachel woke up first the next morning, Blaine and her having spread out on the couch during the night, Blaine's arms hooked firmly around her. She wasn't in the mood to move just yet, watching the morning news on FOX.

"A girl in Southern Ohio committed suicide last night," The reporter announced, Rachel practically freezing in horror. The picture of the girl looked so happy. She committed suicide? "Stephanie Foerds seemed like just an average girl, happy, involved in school, but no one noticed the bullying going on just under their noses. Apparently, Stephanie had complained to the school, and while they were sympathetic, they did nothing. When doing a preliminary autopsy, it was shown that she had been physically hurting herself, cutting her forearms, an increasing problem in today's teenage society. Parents talk to your kids, because sometimes, you can't know. If someone had been there for Stephanie maybe she would still be here today."

"Hey," Rachel heard Blaine whisper tightening his grasp around her slightly, "Are you okay? You just feel really tense."

Rachel released the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. She would never commit suicide. Never. Right? "I'm fine," Rachel lied smoothly, "A girl committed suicide in Southern Ohio. It just shook me up a bit."

Rachel sat up, bringing Blaine with her, Blaine beginning to rub her arms in a soothing gesture, "Oh, that's so sad, I didn't realize. Did you know her?" Blaine questioned.

"No." Rachel said simply.

Blaine realized she wasn't saying anymore and began to think about the day ahead. He didn't have any clothes here, and school was just a week away. "How about some breakfast? Then I can run home and change, and then we can meet up at the Lima Bean grab coffee and then go school shopping."

Rachel's eyes seemed to brighten considerably at the change in subject, "That sounds wonderful, Blaine. Let's get to it."

They made breakfast, and ate quickly, wanting to get to the stores before they got too busy.

"I'll see you at 12 at the Lima Bean then." Blaine said as Rachel walked him to the door kissing her lightly on the lips.

Rachel smiled, back to her chipper self, "Yep. That should give me enough time to get ready."

"Hey," Blaine said playfully, "I love you just the way you are."

Rachel smiled nervously, and began scratching at her wrist lightly, "I highly doubt that."

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows, "Don't say that. I love you and you are a wonderful and beautiful person inside and out, Okay?"

Rachel smiled more genuinely, "Alright, I love you."

"I love you too. And stop scratching at your wrist, Rach, it's a bad habit." Blaine said before he closed the door, leaving. Rachel immediately dropped her hands back to her side, and watched Blaine leave from the window.

She turned around and began moving around the house, scratching harder, but not quite over the edge yet as she prepared to meet Blaine again, the picture of Stephanie Foerds forever engrained in her memory, like a constant torture. 'I'm just as bad as her.' She thought. 'Blaine would never love a freak like me if really knew, how could he?'

Just as she reached over to grab the glass, a voice sounded in her head making her stop.

'Stop scratching at your wrist, Rach, it's a bad habit.'

It was enough to stop her. For now. She needed to appear normal to meet him, and hiding the newest wounds would be nearly impossible. She could be patient.

Rachel got to the Lima Bean early, and got in line to order her and Blaine's regular coffee.

"Blaine is still dating you RuPaul?" Rachel turned around from her spot where she waited for coffee and saw Quinn standing before her.

"Yes he is. I don't why you find that so surprising, Quinn. We are very happy together." Rachel said trying to defend herself.

Quinn raised her eyebrows in disbelief and scoffed. "Really? You know he probably went to California to get away from you. Couldn't deal with you. You're not pretty, and you're practically intolerable. I don't know what he sees in you."

Rachel felt herself breathing heavily trying to control herself. Doubting everything Blaine had said to her that morning.

"Oh cut the crap Quinn," Rachel turned to her side and was Puck standing there, actually defending her. "Her and Blaine are happy. You're just bitter because you can't seem to hold onto a guy, and it's probably because you're almost as intolerable as Berry. Face it, Quinny, you're a bitch."

Quinn stayed stoned-faced, picked her coffee up off the counter and strutted out of the coffee shop, trying to maintain her dignity. When Quinn was gone, Rachel turned to Puck and said happily, "Noah, you're my savior!" before jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly.

"Hey, what'd I miss?" Blaine said, walking into the coffee shop wondering why _his_ girlfriend was hugging another man so affectionately.

Rachel jumped out of Puck's grasp, running to Blaine excitedly, who immediately put his arm around Rachel's waist, kissing her on the forehead. "Oh, Blaine, Quinn showed up and started being so awful to me, and I just couldn't defend myself and then, BOOM! Noah here shows up and defends my honor!" Rachel said happily.

"Defended your honor huh?" Blaine said skeptically, Rachel still oblivious to Blaine's anger and jealousy.

"I wouldn't put that way," Puck said, trying to diffuse Blaine, "Quinn just needed to be knocked down a couple of pegs and I had the opportunity."

"I see," Blaine said raising his eyebrows, Rachel finally catching on.

"Wait," Rachel said, confused, "You don't honestly think there is something going on between Noah and I do you Blaine?"

"I don't know, it was a long summer. Is there?" Blaine said, turning more fully to Rachel.

"You must be joking!" Rachel said, getting upset. "Do you really not trust me at all? I love you Blaine, and besides Noah barely tolerates me, he just defends me because of the Jewish bond we share!"

"Yeah, totally," Puck said, turning to walk out. "Man hands would be the last girl I would spend the night with. See you later loser."

Rachel took a deep breath, she didn't need him to go that far. "See? He would never even consider being with me."

Blaine relaxed immediately, bringing Rachel close to him saying, "Hey, forget it. You're better than either of them could ever hope to be."

"Thank you," Rachel said, turning to grab their coffee's before going shopping.

Before either knew it, they were back at Rachel's making cookies for no other reason than they wanted chocolate chip cookies. Rachel hooked up her iPod to her speakers blasting Katy Perry in her kitchen as she attempted to bake, with Blaine singing and dancing all around the kitchen. Before she knew it though, Blaine knocked her bowl over, getting flour and sugar all over her black tank top.

"Blaine!" Rachel shouted in mock anger, "Look at what you did!"

Blaine threw his hands up, trying to contain his giggles at the sight of his girlfriend with flour and sugar all over her face, clothes, and hair. "I'm sorry!"

Rachel shook her head playfully a wicked grin on her face as she reached for two eggs walking up to Blaine so they were chest to chest, "Well now, you have to pay."

"Rachel," Blaine pleaded backing up only to have Rachel follow him, "Think about what you're—"

And then there was egg. Dripping down his face from his hair, the other having been splattered on his shirt. Blaine wiped the egg out of his eyes saying, "Oh, now it's war, you messed up my hair."

"How? Your hair is already greased down with Pam on a regular basis!" Rachel teased, running away as Blaine flung eggs and chocolate chips at her. Rachel then retaliated, pouring olive oil down his shirt, making the floor slippery, both falling on top of each other, laughing hysterically as Rachel scrambled her way to Blaine, who whispered, "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Blaine kissed Rachel after that, both enjoying the last few fleeting moments of summer before the torture of school started again. Things weren't going to be easy, but as long as they had each other, they felt like they could get through anything and everything.


	5. Chapter 5

"_People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and pain. Well I've tried that; I've tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in smiles and what I've learned is that when it hurts this much inside your heart always has a way of showing it no matter how many masks you wear." –Anonymous_

_**Chapter 5**_

School came too quickly, and almost involuntarily, Rachel found herself practically butchering her arms only the night before. Blaine had to go home, his parents were sick and tired of not seeing him anymore. And the sharp stab of loneliness fell upon Rachel like a straight jacket, her fears of slushies, rumors, and name calling the straps keeping her tied in. And the only way out:

Physically tearing her way out, letting a more dull throbbing blanket fall over her and keep her warm and barely breathing. How she managed to get out of bed some mornings surprised even her.

Rachel's alarm went off early that next morning, dragging herself out of bed ad to the shower, letting the scalding water wash away the remnants of her crimson blood, which had turned a sickly dried out brown overnight.

Rachel blow dried her hair, curling her hair lightly and putting on a three quarter length sleeved sweater, applying generous amounts of cover up to her arms and sliding the tight sleeves up her arms hiding the redness below.

Blaine showed up right on time, all smiles, making Rachel's own unease and fear fly away as they jammed out to Green Day and Fall Out Boy in the car. Until they got to school.

Rachel's nervousness got the best of her and became jittery. Blaine had to help her out, and carry her bag as they made their way into the school, Rachel only finally relaxing once Kurt came bounding up to her beginning to chatter away to the pair about his and Tyler's latest escapade.

The day went relatively smoothly after that, Blaine keeping Rachel distracted enough that she didn't care about the whispers and insults being pointed at her or the glee club's direction, happy that after school, it would be back to singing and dancing all year long.

Everyone showed up to glee club after school, a happy dynamic filling the familiar choir room, there were one or two new faces which was nice, glee club wouldn't die out completely after all of the seniors were gone.

"Welcome back everyone!" Mr. Shuester said, wide smile s always greeting his favorite students, "I'm o excited for this year's glee club! I'm sure we are going to win Nationals! So let's dive right in! Would any of our senior members like to show the new kids how its done?"

"Mr. Shue," Finn said, raising his hand, "I think Rach and I should sing Faithfully, you know show just how awesome the leads of New Directions are."

Rachel snapped her head behind to look at Finn saying, "I thinks that's a bad idea, Finn. However, I will be glad to demonstrate the talent of the two new leads of New Directions, c'mon Blaine."

"I'm sorry?" Finn said as Rachel dragged Blaine to the front.

"I, I," Blaine stuttered as Rachel talked to the band about what song they were going to sing.

"Oh Blaine, trust me, you'll do fine, this is right in our ballpark. You'll love it!" Rachel said, handing Blaine a mike. "Hit it!"

Blaine smiled as the music started up, memories of Rachel Berry's House Party Trainwreck Extravaganza replaying through his mind.

Blaine began to sing, first to the club, staying light and fun the entire time,_"You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar,  
>When I met you,<em>

_Picked you up, shook you up, and turned around,  
>Turned you into someone new," <em>He now turnd to Rachel and began to sing,

"_Now five years later on, you've got the world at your feet,  
>Success has been so easy for you,<br>Remember it was me who put you where are now and I can put you back down too,_

Blaine began to move towards Rachel now, _"Don't, don't you want me?  
>You know I don't believe it when I hear that you won't see me,<em>

_Don't, don't you want me?  
>" They sang together now,<em>

"_It's much too late to find,  
>You think you've changed your mind,<br>You better change it back or we will both be sorry,_

_Don't you want me baby!  
>Don't you want me oh, oh, oh, oh,<br>Don't you want me baby!  
>Don't you want me oh, oh, oh, oh,"<em>

Rachel took the second verse, enjoying every moment singing with Blaine, seeing the anger and jealousy begin to bubble in Finn as they flirted, _"I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar,  
>That much is true,<em>

_But even then, I knew I'd find a much better place,  
>Either with or without you,<em>

_The five years we have had have been such good times,  
>I still love you,<em>

_I guess it's just what I must do,"_

"_Don't,"_ Blaine sang Rachel jumping up the octave echoing Blaine,

"_Don't"_

Blaine sang to Rachel flirtily, _"Don't you want me?  
>You know I don't believe it when I hear that you won't see me,<em>

"_Don't,"_

"_Don't," _

"_Don't you want me?  
>"<em>

"_It's much too late to find,  
>You think you've changed your mind,<br>You better change it back or we will both be sorry,_

_Don't you want me baby!  
>Don't you want me oh, oh, oh, oh,<br>Don't you want me baby!  
>Don't you want me oh, oh, oh, oh,"<em>

The pair stared at each other, practically daring the other to move first, before breaking out in grins for the rest of the song, _"It's much too late to find,  
>You think you've changed your mind,<br>You better change it back or we will both be sorry,_

_Don't you want me baby!  
>Don't you want me oh, oh, oh, oh,<br>Don't you want me baby!  
>Don't you want me oh, oh, oh, oh,<em>

_Don't you want me baby."_ They sang together at the end, staring at each other with wide eyes and goofy grins as the rest of the room broke out in applause.

Rachel and Blaine smiled widely, ignoring the jealousy in Finn's eyes, and the longing in Kurt's. "Way to go, guys!" Mr. Shuester said coming back to the front of the room, "That was a great start for the year, why don't we reconvene again tomorrow, and we can begin to start work on sectionals! See you all tomorrow!"

Everyone began to file out of the room, Rachel staying back to file through some sheet music.

"Hey Blaine, I'll meet you at the car, I have a really good idea for a group number but I need to see if I can find the music first."

"Alright, see you soon." Blaine called as he walked out the door.

Rachel began to rifle through the room's multiple boxes of sheet music, when Finn came back and said, "Rachel, what are you doing with Blaine? He's gay. And I love you, we're endgame, you know that!"

Rachel turned around, facing Finn fully with angry eyes, "Okay Finn, you need to let me go, Blaine loves me, be happy for me."

"Rachel, he used to date Kurt, did you think about how much you're hurting him? Blaine is gay, if you dated me, Kurt would be happy, and Blaine could go back to making out with other guys."

Rachel slapped Finn across the face. "Don't say that." She hissed. "Finn, back off, we are done. Do you understand me? I have worked things out with Kurt, and Blaine is NOT gay. We are together. Get. Over it."

Finn cast his eyes downward, ready to walk out, when he got a wicked gleam in his eye, staring intently at Rachel's arms saying, "I'll tell him."

Rachel turned confused. "Say again?" Scared of what he might tell Blaine.

"You haven't told anyone about your little habit have you? I'll tell Blaine all about those scars on your arms, all you have to do is come back to me, and this all goes away."

Rachel panicked for a moment. "C'mon," Finn continued to prod, "You really think Blaine will still love you if knows? You really think he'll stay with a freak?"

"I'm not a freak!" Rachel shouted, "Besides, he found out over the summer, he has helped me to stop."

Finn seemed dumbstruck, so sure that would work if nothing else. Rachel took that as her cue to escape, running out of the choir room and to Blaine's car where he waited.

"Hey," He said, getting the door for her, "did you find the music?"

"What? Oh, uhm, I didn't get a chance to keep looking through, Mr. Schue wanted to lock up the choir room."

"Oh that's too bad," Blaine said starting the car and pulling out, "Maybe tomorrow."

Rachel nodded, "Yeah, maybe." Not wanting Blaine to worry, she quickly reached over to the radio turning it on saying, "How about some music?"

The rest of the car ride was spent with the radio filling the uneasy silence. Blaine could tell something was off, but he was too scared to ask. When they pulled into Rachel's driveway Blaine kissed Rachel and said, "Pick you up tomorrow?"

Rachel smiled lightly, "Yeah."

Rachel got out of the car, but before she closed the door Blaine asked, "Hey, you would tell me if there was something wrong right?"

Rachel looked back in the car and said simply, "Of course. I love you."

"Love you too."

Rachel walked inside, and waited for Blaine's car to leave her sight before she let herself cry. She pushed through her AP homework, and when she was done, she practically sprinted upstairs to her room, making slow, deliberate slices, feeling the wonderful sensation of the glass, glittering in the sun tear through her soft skin, falling into sweet oblivion.

The next few months leading up to sectionals went by fairly okay, Rachel still used her torture, occasionally seeing a slight reflection of herself while doing it. But it was the week before sectionals now, and Rachel was just too excited and besides herself to care. After the first day of school, things were perfect between her and Blaine, spending more and more time together.

"One week to sectionals guys!" MR. Schuester announced as he walked into the room, that Monday, "We gotta get ready, and I have already organized our set list and chosen our soloists for our duet and group number."

Finn smiled widely, expecting to hear his and Rachel's name called. "Okay, the first number will be As Long As Your Mine, from Wicked. And that will be performed by Rachel and Blaine."

"What?" Finn said enraged standing up, "Mr. Shue, I'm lead male, I'M captain of New Directions, I'M the best! Rachel and I are best at duets!"

"Please!" Puck said from his spot, "You know Blaine is better than you, and you just don't want to admit it!"

"Yeah," Santana said, "and then there's the fact you still want Berry back,"

"SHUT UP!" Finn shouted, "I just want my rightful spot back!"

"Finn, calm down!" Mr. Shue shouted, regaining control, "Sit down! Now this is my decision and I am sticking to it!"

Finn sat down and grumbled something about quitting, but Mr. Shue ignored him and continued, "The group number will be Stand By Me, by Seal. Rachel, Blaine, here is your music, please get to work on it, and here is th music for Stand By Me. You guys will each have solos for that too."

Mr. Shue continued to pass out the music for the group number, beginning to explain the dance, and lyrics. Glee Club ended for the day and everyone went home. Blaine offered to stay for a while and begin work on te song, but Rachel amended that she had a lot of homework that night, they both did because they were in AP classes.

That night as Rachel was preparing for bed her hair fell out a little, falling against her jawline. She liked how it looked. Life was so stressful. Maybe instead of physically…

Rachel texted Blaine that morning saying she would drive her herself to school. Odd…

Rachel was late for Glee Club. Rachel was never late for Glee Club. When Rachel sauntered into the auditorium everyone gasped.

"You cut your hair." Kurt said dumbstruck. "Like you really cut your hair."

Rachel looked hurt, "What, you don't like it?" Rachel had cut all of her hair off, falling at an angle along her jawline. "Blaine?"

Blaine widened his eyes, she couldn't be all alone in this battle, "I, I love it."

"You're lying." Rachel whispered, putting her head down, her now short hair falling lightly over her cheeks.

Blaine felt bad, it was cute, just not Rachel, 'Hey, no not at all, it's adorable, I like it, it's just, not you. But really, it does look good."

"Are you sure?" Rachel said peeking her head up.

Blaine smiled, "Yeah, right everyone?"

Everyone nodded in agreement various murmurings going around the room. "Okay then," Mr. Shuester spoke, regaining control, "now that this is settled, let's get back to work!"

Rachel began to smile widely and nodded, grabbing Blaine's hand and leading him to their spot up front. Sectionals was just four days away, and they were going to be ready.

The Saturday that New Directions left for sectionals was chilly, but that didn't stop excitement and happiness from filling and warming the cold October air. Rachel covered her various scars before Blaine picked her up, excited to get to perform again.

"Hey Rach," Blaine said as the pair got into the car, he figured talking to her now while they were all excited would be better than any other, he knew there was something off, "You know you can tell me anything right?"

Rachel looked up, she saw the nervousness, the questions, lurking in his eyes. "Of course, but I don't know what there is to tell." Rachel wanted so badly to tell him everything, to make it all better, but she just, she couldn't. Rachel and the New Directions looked through the sea of people, many saw their parents, friends, but not Rachel. Her dad's were in…Germany maybe?

"Blaine Anderson! Over here!" Rachel and Blaine turned around to see the entirety of the Warblers standing in the doorway, now all running up to an exceedingly happy Blaine, hugging high-fiving and catching up with his old friends.

Rachel saw this and wasn't sure how she should feel…on the one hand Rachel was happy to see Blaine so happy, but then there was doubt. So much doubt. Did he really want to be at McKinley? With her? With New Directions?

Before Rachel could be tortured anymore though, Kurt was dragging Rachel off to the dressing rooms to prepare her for the competition. Kurt had styled Rachel's hair and given her directions as to how she was to apply her makeup.

Rachel was applying her lip gloss when Finn came up behind her and whispered, "You lied."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "You're delusional."

"No, I'm not. I see the makeup on your arms. You're still doing it and Blaine has no clue. You lied to me."

Rachel took a deep breath, calming herself, "I repeat, you. Are. Delusional." Finn didn't move, a smug grin plastered to his face, "Do you mind? You're hogging my mirror space."

Finn just shook his head, "Whatever. I know and you know…do with that what you will."

Rachel stared into the mirror, scratching at her wrists, digging in. No one could find out. No one could know. Rachel began breathing deeply, quickly, she felt herself on borderline hysteria.

"Hey, calm down, you're going to be great up there. You'll bring the house down." Blaine said walking up from behind putting his hands on Rachel's shoulders, kissing her lightly on the cheek.

"Thanks babe," Rachel began to lie, "That really helped." Outside, Rachel looked fine, inside, she was dying.

"AS LONG AS YOU'RE MINE"

"STAND BY ME"

New Directions stood on the stage, waiting in anticipation for the results. Blaine and Rachel were gripping each other's hands until the circulation was cut off completely. Finally the announcer came to the stage.

"Congrats to all of the competitors, you were all fantastic! The judges had such a hard time picking a winner! But alas, only one can win, and our winner is…"

Everyone drew a deep breath in anticipation. "The New Directions!" Rachel let out the breath she had been holding and brought Blaine in for a large hug while the whole team was jumping and cheering. The bus ride home was spent talking, laughing, and singing, and after everyone went to Finn and Kurt's house for a celebratory party. Carole, Finn's mother made a special cake for the entire team.

Blaine and Rachel were off n a corner later in the night, head bowed whispering to each other, smiling sweetly. Finn looked at this and grimaced. Rachel was his. It was time to make his move.

"Rachel," Finn said, interrupting Rachel and Blaine's quiet conversation, "You should cut the cake. You are the leader of New Directions after all."

Rachel looked up and nodded, "Okay, sure."

"Just be careful, the knife is really sharp, we wouldn't want you slicing your wrist open now would we?" Finn said practically taunting Rachel as she reached for the sharp knife. "You know it surprises me just how many people deliberately hurt themselves I think its disgusting to do that to yourself."

"Finn, please stop," Rachel said, her hand shaking as she cut into the large cake, "Let's keep the conversation light."

Blaine added in, "Well, it's actually an interesting topic, the whole issue is actually deeply psychological."

"C'mon guys!" Rachel shouted, "We just won sectionals! Happy time!" Rachel pleaded, cutting another slice of cake. She couldn't breathe. He couldn't know. He couldn't know. The way the knife glittered…no! Not now. Not here…

"What?" Finn asked, raising his eyebrows in humor, "The issue hit too close to home, Rach?'

"N,n, no." Rachel stuttered, her heart pounding, "I, I don't, don't know why," And then Rachel was falling as everything faded to black.

The last thing she heard, "Rachel!" Blaine's voice as he rushed to her side.


	6. Chapter 6

"_To be loved to madness - such was her great desire. Love was to her the one cordial that could drive away the eating loneliness of her days." –Anonymous_

_**Chapter 6**_

Blaine had taken the unconscious Rachel home after that, reassuring everyone that she would be fine, too much stress was all.

Rachel awoke at home, resting comfortably on her bed, Blaine sitting by her bed with a steaming cup of tea.

"Hey," he said softly, brushing a piece of hair out of her eyes, "How you feel?"

Rachel took a deep breath smiling and taking a grateful gulp of the scalding tea, "Light-headed."

"As to be expected. I told everyone it was just stress, I remember how much that one girl on T.V. got to you. I figured with AP exams around the corner and having to prep for Regionals, it was just too much."

Rachel nodded. "Yep. Hey, I'm so tired. I'm going to take a couple of Advil for my headache, and then go to bed. Are you staying here tonight?"

"Yeah, I want you to take it easy for the day. Here are two Advil." Blaine said, handing Rachel the medication. After she took them, Blaine got up and said as he walked out the door, "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too." Rachel fell back asleep fairly easily after that, however fitful it was, the image and gleam of the blade haunting her dreams along with Finn's smug grin. Rachel woke up the next morning sweating, scared, and on the verge of screaming. This was tearing her apart.

The next day, Blaine barely let Rachel leave bed, waiting on her hand and foot, relaxing watching movies in her room for most of the day. It was nice. Her heart was at ease.

October flew by fine. Kurt had a costume party, it was fun, but Blaine and Rachel left early to have a little fun of their own. Her dads were due home any day, and they wanted to enjoy the empty home as much as possible.

Gone for November. Promised to be home in time for Hanukkah.

That was what her dads told her. Rachel decided to test out the silver gleam of the butcher knife this time. It sliced so clean. The glint of blade was elegant, but Rachel missed the glittering of the glass.

Then there were the Warblers.

"Blaine, I know you want to be there! Don't act like you wouldn't rather be at Dalton!" Rachel found herself shouting one night, after Blaine had found himself reminiscing once again.

"I don't know what you're talking about Rachel!" Blaine shouted back, "It was my idea to transfer to McKinley!"

"And you resent me for it!" Rachel shouted back, "If you were at Dalton you would be wildly popular! You would have ALL the attention! Don't act like you prefer getting slushied on a regular basis!"

Blaine sighed, and dropped his head into his hand, calming himself. They weren't going to get anywhere shouting at each other. "Rachel," Blaine began calmly, sitting down, bringing Rachel with him, "I'm going to be completely honest with you, okay?"

Rachel nodded. "Okay."

"Okay, I miss Dalton. I don't miss popularity, I don't miss the attention, I like blending in the background. I just, I miss, Wes. I miss the Warblers. They saved me, but Rachel I transferred because I wanted to be with you. I don't resent you for it. Sure I miss Dalton, but I love being with you and near you more." Blaine amended. Rachel seemed to respond and hear what he was saying, nodding, leaning in and kissing Blaine appreciatively.

"I'm sorry I get so crazy, I just, I can't lose you Blaine. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." Rachel said honestly looking into Blaine's eyes.

Blaine laughed darkly, "Rachel, you have to understand, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I'm not going anywhere."

"Alright."

"Alright. So, what do you and your dads have planned for Thanksgiving?" Blaine inquired after a moment.

Rachel turned upset again, "Nothing. They're not coming. Again."

Blaine sighed deeply, they always let her down. "What's the excuse this time?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask. If they want to miss my last Thanksgiving home, that's their loss." Rachel said defiantly. She wasn't going to let even herself believe just how hurt she really was.

"You shouldn't have to spend Thanksgiving alone," Blaine said, "Come have Thanksgiving with me and my family. My brother Chuck is flying in, you'll love him."

Rachel raised her eyebrows skeptically, "Your dad hates me."

"Are you really saying you would rather spend your Thanksgiving alone?"

Rachel looked like she was ready to say yes, but ten thought it over again and said reserved, "No."

Blaine picked her up on that chilly November day around 2 o'clock and they headed off. Rachel knew better than to wear a short or revealing dress, so she went out and bought a new brown sweater dress. The sleeves were long and hugged her arms along with the body, the skirt, flowing out to her knees. She wore light makeup, her short hair straightened and pulled back by a headband. She could do this.

Blaine pulled into his large driveway, stopping in front of a nice silver car. Blaine turned the car off, grasping Rachel's hand in reassurance before he got out and opened Rachel's door. Rachel took a deep breath, before taking Blaine's hand and walking with him up to the front door. Blaine gave Rachel one last kiss before opening the door, and heading for the lion's den.

"Blaine!" One moment Blaine was there and the next moment gone, engulfed in a large bear hug by a man who looked very much like Blaine with shorter less curly hair.

Blaine laughed pulling out from the hug, "Chuck! Oh my god! I haven't seen you since what?"

"Last Christmas!" Chuck exuberantly. He looked over to Rachel now saying, "Is this Rachel?" When Blaine nodded, Chuck engulfed Rachel in an equally large hug. "Dude, you weren't kidding!"

Rachel smiled uncomfortably, "Kidding about?"

Blaine began turning very red as Chuck began to laugh, "Whenever we talk, which is ALL the time, all he talks about is you! Rachel this, Rachel that, ohhh, she looked so gorgeous. And just look at you! You're stunning! You know I think he talks more about you than he does about anyone else."

Rachel giggled and raised her eyebrows at Blaine, whose entire face had turned redder than a cherry tomato, "Really?"

Blaine muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets, as his head dropped, "I don't talk about you that much."

"Blaine," Rachel laughed, turning Blaine so he was facing her, "I think it's cute."

Chuck smiled. His brother was going to be alright. This girl, Rachel, seemed good for him. "Alright!" He shouted, grabbing their shoulders and leading them to the dining room, "Let's eat!"

Rachel stopped dead, "I think I'm going to be sick."

Blaine shook his head, "C'mon Rach, you'll be fine, dad can't be too offensive, we have family over."

Rachel widened her eyes squeaking, "There's more?"

Chuck laughed, "Don't worry, mom loves you, she even made some tofurkey for you!" Rachel nodded slightly, still pale, "Rachel, you're sitting next to me and Blaine. And I'm here, everyone will be focusing on my failures, not you. No worries, Hakuna Matata!"

Rachel chuckled lightly, beginning to relax as Blaine took Rachel's hand once more, Chuck on her other side leading Rachel to the daunting dining room. When the three came in, Mr. Anderson sat at the head on the long table, a seat net to him empty, probably for Mrs. Anderson. At the moment, he was in deep conversation with an aged man with graying hair, who looked more like Mr. Anderson. It must be his father.

"Chuckie!" A woman with kind eyes, and long silvery hair greeted Blaine's brother getting up and hugging Chuck warmly. "How is marketing going in Arizona?"

Chuck laughed somewhat nervously, about to answer when Mr. Anderson chimed in, "He decided he didn't like it. So he is moving back home and working in a car repair shop while he pays for school."

"School?" The older woman asked.

Mr. Anderson sighed, "Yes, mom, he wants to be a teacher now. Marketing for high schoolers."

Mr. Anderson's mother smiled, filled with age, wisdom, and character leaning and whispering into Chuck's ear, "Well, no matter what your father thinks, I believe that's wonderful." She then leaned away, looking at Rachel, her forest green eyes bright with happiness, "And who is this?"

Blaine smiled, he always loved his grandma, "LilLil, this is Rachel. She is my girlfriend."

"She's beautiful." LilLil said, smiling and bringing Rachel in for a warm hug.

Adding to LilLil's comment Mr. Anderson chimed in snidely as the four took their seats, "I agree mom, her dress is just lovely, it matches our curtains."

Rachel looked up smiling pleasantly at Mr. Anderson, "I'm so glad you like it Mr. Anderson. I found it at a small boutique where the employees were burning Liberace mannequins. I'm sure you would just love their clothes."

Blaine and Chuck bit back poorly at fighting their laughter as Mr. Anderson's face turned red, sending an angry glare to his son's.

"I'm sorry we're late Erin," yet another aged couple called walking through the doors and into the dining room, the once palpable tension dissipating slightly as Mr. Anderson tried to put up a kind and polite façade for his wife's parents who greeted Rachel, Blaine, and Chuck warmly and with open arms.

Everyone sat down as Mrs. Anderson brought out salad for everyone. Rachel turned to Blaine while he had a forkful of salad in his mouth and asked quietly so as not to be overheard, "Blaine, you called your grandma LilLil. What's that about?"

Blaine swallowed his salad and just as he was about to answer Chuck cut in, making fun of his little brother, "Our grandma's name is Lily, but little Blainey-Boo here couldn't pronounce it, and began calling her LilLil."

Blaine frowned a chucked a roll at his brother's head laughing "Shut up! You're embarrassing me!"

"What?" Chuck laughed retaliating with the same roll, "Scared Rachel will leave you for me?"

"Well, you just love playing with the boys don't you girl?" Mr. Anderson's father asked as the kid's laughing promptly stopped looking to him and meeting his cold icy eyes.

Rachel shook her head, unable to look away from his cold, unfeeling stare, "I would never…" She whispered.

"Really?" Mr. Anderson now questioned, pulling his attentions back to Rachel, "You seemed to reel my boy here away from Kurt easily enough."

"Mr. Anderson, Rachel said calmly, grasping Blaine's hand, "He was never Kurt's to begin with."

"Honey," Mrs. Anderson asked, cutting the conversation off before it could get worse, "Have you started applying to colleges yet? Blaine applied to NYU."

"Dad," Mr. Anderson supplied, "Rachel here wants to be a big Broadway star."

"Actually, I learned Juilliard doesn't have a musical theatre program, but I learned of the school NYADA. New York Academy for the Dramatic Arts. I think I've got a really good shot, and if not, I have NYU to fall back on. I have everything planned out with a fine tooth comb."

LilLil smiled, "I think it's wonderful my grandson has found such a wonderful young girl. You seem to possess a lot of talent sweetheart."

Rachel smiled genuinely for the first time that night, "Thank you Mrs.-"

"You'll call me LilLil, just like my grandsons, darling." LilLil warned warmly.

"LilLil."

The bell in the kitchen went off, signaling the turkey was ready. "Rachel, I know you're a vegan, so as an alternative for you I got tofurkey and vegan stuffing." Mrs. Anderson said smiling as she got up to get the turkey.

"The woman spoils you rotten, even though I don't know why, Blaine already spoils you enough. Thought I don't understand why, you don't deserve it." Mr. Anderson said laughing humorlessly.

"I've earned everything that I've ever wanted in life." Rachel snapped back. She wasn't going to be treated like this.

Mr. Anderson rolled his eyes and laughed sarcastically as everyone began to fall silent, the hatred between the pair rising. "Really? And how did you earn my son?"

"Dad!" Blaine said angrily, "Stop it!"

"So dad," Chuck spoke hastily, trying to shift his father's cold judgment to himself, "Carrie and I, we broke up. She didn't want to be with someone like me. And Mr. Halsted, my boss, he actually fired me, I didn't quit. One too many days showing up late to work."

"What?" Mr. Anderson said, his face reddening with fury.

"No, dad," Blaine now spoke, the brother's had plenty of practice deflecting their father's anger until it had dissipated, "Chuck is joking, as usual. You know, I've actually missed him. He broke up with Carrie, and Chuck found his own higher calling, he never got fired. You should really be proud of him dad, he is earning his way in life, finding what he loves."

Rachel saw the display take place, Blaine deflecting for Rachel, Chuck deflecting for Blaine, and then ending the cycle with Blaine deflecting once more for Chuck. It was ingenious. Rachel saw in amazement as Mr. Anderson's anger dissipated completely, the grandparents beginning to start up an almost healthy conversation, Mr. Anderson and his father delving back into their deep discussion about politics.

They all began to delve back into dinner, the air beginning to thicken once more with a biting tension. It was too quiet, too easy for more insults to be shot.

Rachel felt as if she were standing on the edge of a cliff, battling for her life against Mr. Anderson. And it felt like she was losing, se felt like the cliff was crumbling and that one wrong step and there would be a cataclysmic explosion to send her, Mr. Anderson, and everyone else into freefall, with no return.

Mrs. Anderson brought out the large turkey a gorgeous gold as steam rose from the succulent beast. Rachel thought it smelled wonderful, for being meat, that is. "One moment," Mrs. Anderson said after she set the turkey down with all the rest of the hot food, which everyone was sure was delicious, turning to head back to the kitchen to grab Rachel's food.

"She can get it herself," said Mr. Anderson pointedly and gesturing to his wife's place at the table, "Sit down."

Mrs. Anderson looked over to Rachel with sympathy, "Ed, honey," she spoke pleadingly, "She's our guest."

"There isn't enough room left on the table."

"Dad," Chuck spoke attempting desperately to end it, Rachel didn't deserve to be persecuted like this.

"Both of you!" Mr. Anderson commanded, "Sit down and stop talking!" Chuck and Mrs. Anderson followed his orders, anger bubbling inside of Rachel and Blaine, the sight of just how much control he truly had frightening as the table hushed.

"What did I do?"

"What?" Mr. Anderson hissed, flipping his head to where Rachel sat, her delicate features contorted with anger and confusion.

"What. Did. I. Do?" Rachel asked, more loudly this time, each word pointed and sharply enunciated.

Mr. Anderson's eyes grew dark, a silent warning, causing Blaine to grasp Rachel's hand tightly in a poor effort at protection.

"I mean, I've never done anything to you." She said more loudly, "Did you have big dreams? Did you end up stuck here in this town, a Lima Loser? Were you jealous of some-"

"I would NEVER be jealous of a freak of nature like you!" Mr. Anderson screamed, shooting up from his spot, sending his chair over and to the ground.

"Really?" Blaine asked skeptically, standing up to face his father, he couldn't have control, not this time, he couldn't back down. "Because you're getting awfully defensive."

"You think I'm being overly defensive boy?" He whispered hotly, "I can go on the offensive of you prefer." He snapped, raising his arm when Rachel broke through.

"Don't take it out on him!" Rachel shouted, pulling Blaine behind her, trying to protect him, "This has to do with you and me! Leave him out of it! I knew you were angry, but I never thought you would even attempt to harm your own child!"

Mr. Anderson got into Rachel's face now, trying to intimidate her, Rachel's resolve faltering slightly, but still strong.

"Do you know what you are?"

"Dad," Chuck said, standing up once more and stepping forward slightly, "Think about what you're saying."

It didn't stop him. "A freak. A psychotic freak. No one wants you. You're fathers' are never home, probably because they don't want to be near their defective daughter." Rachel's eyes widened in shock. No one moved. No one breathed. "You thought I didn't know? I did. Everyone does. I know where Blaine really sleeps over when he says he's at Wes'."

"Stop." Rachel whispered, her defenses falling.

"Dad," Blaine pleaded, "please."

"You think you're going to be somebody? You're a nobody," said Mr. Anderson practically sneered, "And its all you'll ever be. Just. Like. Your. Mother."

"Stop." Rachel said again, breathing slowly, shaking as she pleaded, this time more pronounced, but still quiet.

"Your mother never loved you, hell, she replaced you!" He laughed darkly, "And you know what that all adds up to?" He continued to prod, seeing Rachel's pained expression.

Everyone sat with baited breath.

"You never were, never can be, and never will be loved." Mr. Anderson's words pierced through everything before delivering the last fatal blow.

"Unloved. That's all you'll ever be. Un. Loved." He jeered as Rachel's eyes welled.

Blaine grasped Rachel's hand his fury only unsurpassed by his concern for Rachel's well-being. "I'm taking you home."

As he led her to the door Rachel stopped once and looked back whispering shakily, determined not to cry, "You may think I am unloved, and I very well may be, but at least I'm not heartless."

Chuck made a move to go with the couple, Blaine's arms wrapped protectively around his girlfriend's shoulders, with one shake of the head towards his brother, signaling to stay. This was one time his presence would not be beneficial. Mr. Anderson's father matched his son's expression, a satisfied grin fixed upon his withered, hateful features. As for the rest of the dinner party, it varied from Chuck and Mrs. Anderson's anger and sympathy, to LilLil and Mrs. Anderson's parents looking at Mr. Anderson with complete shock and disappointment.

Rachel felt her cheeks becoming wet as Blaine turned Rachel around and led her to the door, the dining room silent still. Blaine and Rachel remained mute as they began to hear screaming coming from the dining room, the family's angry silhouettes dancing against the curtains. Blaine opened Rachel's door and helped her into the car. He pulled away as Rachel's tears soaked her face, but what was he to say?

About ten minutes in, as Rachel stared at the window, she began to gag.

"Blaine," she pleaded as the tears continued to fall, "pull over, pull, pull over."

Blaine looked over with concern, pulling to the side of the road as Rachel practically fell out of the car, heaving, and puking up everything she had eaten that day. Blaine held her hair, rubbing her back soothingly, on the verge of tears himself at the sight of his girlfriend in so much pain, as the stress and emotional pain began taking over completely as she continued to dry heave even after she had completely emptied her stomach. When Rachel was finally able to breathe once more she looked up to Blaine with red eyes, his own meeting her expression with compassion, before she fell completely into his embrace, finally allowing herself to sob, allowing herself to be completely vulnerable as Blaine wrapped warm protective arms around her. Simply holding her, that was all she needed. Just to be held. To prove Mr. Anderson wrong. To be loved.


	7. Chapter 7

"_The question isn't 'who is going to let me'; it's 'who is going to stop me'." –Anonymous_

_**Chapter 7**_

Rachel and Blaine sat on the side of the road for a good chunk of time, the sun beginning to set when Rachel calmed down enough for Blaine to help lift her off the rocky shoulder and back to the car, finally pulling away and restarting their journey back home. The car ride was silent but for Rachel's occasional sniffles, Blaine struggling to contain his anger. It felt like a lifetime before they finally arrived back at Rachel's home.

They walked to the door together, Rachel pulling out her keys shakily and opening the door to the dark home. Blaine made a move to come inside behind Rachel, but she turned around and whispered, "I need a little time. We are not breaking up, I promise, but I need some space. Give me the weekend and come Monday, I should be better."

"Rachel," Blaine said as his own eyes welled, "I don't want you to be alone. My dad was WAY out of line, and,"

"Blaine," Rachel said smiling sadly, "Stop. I can see it now, you're about to blame this on yourself. Don't. But he just, he knew exactly where to hit and I just, I need a little time to reexamine myself."

Blaine was silent for a moment as he debated whether or not to argue with her, but finally decided on just, "Okay."

"Goodnight." Rachel said leaning forward and kissing Blaine lightly on the lips, leaving a lasting sensation on both of their lips Rachel whispering, "I love you." Before she shut the door, leaving Blaine on the dark doorstep of her house.

Blaine whispered to the empty night, "I love you. So much more than you even realize." Before finally turning around and beginning to walk back to his car, making the short drive to none other than Kurt Hummel's house. He couldn't go home. Not tonight.

When he parked on Summerdale Boulevard Kurt and Finn's house was lit up, a joyful dinner occurring inside between the unconventional family of four. Blaine took a deep breath, wiping his eyes before he turned his car off, getting out and treading up their walkway. Blaine took one more deep breath, leaving a cloudy puff in the chilly November air before raising his hand and knocking on the door. He waited a moment as he heard Kurt's high pitched voice call, "One moment!" muffled through the door.

When the door opened, Kurt smiling said, "Hi Blaine!" But then taking in his friend's appearance, ushered him in asking with concern, "What happened?"

Blaine shook his head, running his frozen fingers through his gelled hair as he muttered angrily, his tears threatening to spill again, "My dad."

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows, leading Blaine upstairs to his room asking, "What did he do this time? Where's Rachel?"

Blaine began to shake, the awful memories beginning to replay in his mind, hissing, "At home. And as for my dad, he was being a pig headed, prejudicial, jerk he always is…times 1000!"

Kurt's eyes widened. "I didn't think he could be any worse than how he reacted to my presence."

"Kurt," Blaine said, his own, unshed tears beginning to spill over his own invisible dam, "You didn't see her, Kurt, the stress, she got sick ten minutes in on our way home, we sat there with her just sobbing for hours! And it's all my dad's fault! She never did ANYTHING to him!" Blaine screamed, jumping up and kicking Kurt's bedpost, leaving the wood splintered from where Blaine's foot had hit it.

Kurt stood up, grabbing Blaine's shoulder's and bringing him to his arms, engulfing Blaine in a reassuring hug as Blaine cried into Kurt's new Alexander McQueen sweater.

"Kurt!" They heard Finn call from the stairs, "Mom heard yelling! She wants to know what's going on!"

Kurt sighed in frustration yelling back, "Tell her I'll be down in a couple minutes! There's a friend who needs some help!"

There was some angry muttering and then Finn's lumbering footsteps coming up the stairs, saying annoyed, "Mom wants you to come back downstairs, Kurt! She says you can't have friends over to-" And then his mood darkening further at seeing Blaine's distressed figure, "What is HE doing here? Doesn't he have a family? Or Rachel?"

Kurt rolled his eyes, letting Blaine go momentarily and saying, "Okay, time to go. I'll come downstairs and explain, now get out."

Finn glared another moment in Blaine's direction, leaving when Kurt physically dragged Finn by his elbow, shutting the door quietly behind him leaving Blaine to himself for a few minutes while Kurt talked things out with his mom and dad. Blaine laid himself on Kurt's be delicately, crawling under his thick comforter, beginning to relax, his eyes starting to fall closed as his once pronounced cries faded to occasional sniffles, and before he knew it, Blaine was fast asleep.

When Kurt came back upstairs, ready to tell Blaine that his mom had cleared Blaine staying over that night, he found him curled up, sniffling and breathing lightly. Kurt grabbed a pair of silk pajamas, and turned the light off, closing the door quietly and making his way to the small guest room next door. His skin routine could take a backseat tonight. One question just kept running on repeat through his mind though as he climbed into bed that night: _What the hell happened?_

When Rachel woke up the next morning she found her forearms sitting and crusted with dried blood, her head pounding as she moved gently, her hand stinging. When reexamining herself, she found her left hand clasped tightly around her tool of choice, her hand having a clean slice in her palm. The memories from the previous night came flooding back, a somber depressed air replacing the previously hazy fog.

Rachel almost regretted turning Blaine away the previous night, but she needed to think…or moreover just mope. Rachel began to clean up the evidence, not even bothering to throw her sheets into the wash, taking them out to the dumpster and throwing them away in disgust, her own self hatred consuming her.

She wondered every day how she was capable of doing this. And then she remembered his words. Unloved. That was how. It filled the void. The void even Blaine could not keep filled.

Rachel found herself sprinting back inside, practically shoving Funny Girl into her DVD player, going to the kitchen and grabbing her container of vegan ice cream, plopping herself on the couch and deciding that yes, she was going to spend the afternoon pigging out ad feeling sorry for herself. And she might even have another good pity party and cry some more. Was it the best way to reexamine oneself? Definitely not. Was it what she wanted? YES.

The next morning, Blaine awoke comfortably, feeling marginally better as he sat up, and began his journey downstairs to the Hudson/Hummel kitchen. It was early, the rays from the sun beginning to filter in through their pale yellow curtains hanging over the window, sitting on the sill a small potted plant illuminated by the sun. Someone had set the coffee pot on a timer, so when Blaine came down, the coffee was already made, and Blaine grabbed a mug out of the cherry cabinets, poured himself a cup.

"I see you like your coffee black." Kurt said, walking into the kitchen in his pajamas, pouring himself a cup.

Blaine gripped his cup tightly, warming his fingers saying, "Yes I do. I like it black. Like my soul."

Kurt shook his head sitting down, "Now I know you're lying. Your soul is incapable of being black."

"Yeah, well, right now I'm feeling pretty black. I can't go home. Rachel doesn't want me anywhere near her," Blaine said, beginning his pity party once more. Kurt would have none of it though.

He cut Blaine off, an incredulous and disapproving tone filling his voice, "Stop it. You need to get over your dad, your giving him too much power over you. And the idea that Rachel doesn't want to be anywhere near you? It's ridiculous! Just give her a little time."

"But," Blaine began once more, only to be cut off again.

"No," Kurt said pickin the phone up and handing it to Blaine, "You know I'm right. Now, I can only imagine what went on, and I don't need details, but you DO need to call Chuck and find out if you can go home. This won't get better until you decide to try and make it better."

Blaine gave a wary look towards Kurt, but reluctantly dialed his brother's number. The phone rang twice when Chuck finally picked up.

"Hello?" He said exasperatedly. He probably had a long night. And not a good one at that.

Blaine, who felt for his older brother, said, "Hey, Chuck. What's going on?"

"Blaine?" Chuck asked in surprise, beginning to go into one of his ramblings, "Ohmygod, you're alive! Mom and I started freaking out last night when you never came home! We tried calling Rachel, but she didn't pick up, even after we called like twenty times. And then we tried calling you, and you still didn't pick up! We had no idea where you were! And don't get me STARTED on what went down with dad AFTER you and Rach escaped,"

"Chuck," Blaine said not being able to understand his brother at this point, "Slow down. Listen, I'm fine, Rachel needed to be alone, and did you REALLY expect me to come home after what went down? I came to Kurt's."

He heard Chuck sigh almost angrily, "That's not the point, Blaine! The point is, dad freaked out and you ran. You knew you could tell AT LEAST me where you were going, but you didn't! Mom and I thought you got into and accident, that something bad happened! After she kicked dad out, we tried calling you, so we could tell you that you could come home and be safe, but you didn't pick up your phone, and you ALWAYS pick up. We were up all night looking for you, scared out of our minds!"

"Wait," Blaine asked, confused, "mom kicked dad out?"

Chuck sighed again into the phone, and saying matter-of-factly, "Yes she did kick dad out, but that's not important,"

"I'd say it IS pretty damn important, Chuck!" Blaine said angrily his voice rising, "Mom kicked her HUSBAND, our FATHER, and the man who has been persecuting me and my girlfriend consequently making our lives living hells out of the house! I'd say it is pretty goddamn important." There was silence on the other end as Chuck digested this. Blaine calmed himself saying more calmly, "Listen, I'm sorry I scared you. I'll be home in an hour and you, mom and I can talk about everything, okay?"

"Definitely. Talk to you soon."

"Bye." Blaine hung up the phone turning to a smirking, yet silent Kurt.

"She kicked him out." Blaine said quietly, waiting for a reaction from Kurt.

He took a deep breath, thinking about what he should say next when he finally decided on, "So I heard." Kurt needed to tread carefully. He couldn't be sure how Blaine felt about it. It still was his family and it was falling apart, no matter how much he despised his father.

Blaine bit his lip, his eyes downcast as he contemplated this new information, finally looking up at Kurt with confused eyes, "I don't know how to feel."

Kurt pursed his lips. "I can't tell you how you feel. Only you can decide that. But the first step is going home and gettingthe whole story."

"But I'm scared." Blaine said softly, playing with his fingers.

Kurt, leant forward slightly smiling encouragingly, grasping Blaine's hands. "If anyone can do it, it's you, Blaine. And if that still isn't enough, do it for Rachel. This is going to matter to her too."

Blaine took a deep breath and stood. "Okay. For Rachel." He brought Kurt in for a hug, practically crushing Kurt in his strong grip. "Okay," H said once more, running up the stairs and grabbing his coat and then as he walked out the door, "I have to go. Thank you, Kurt. I wouldn't have the courage otherwise, not without Rachel."

Kurt sat back down, sipping his coffee slowly, enjoying the quiet of the early morning. He let his mind drift away from Blaine for a moment. He would be okay until Monday when he saw Rachel again.

Rachel.

There were only two people who really knew her. Blaine, and Kurt. They were the ones who understood the hell she went through on a daily basis. Her armor hid a lot of it, only they knew the pan lying beneath. Mommy issues, daddy issues, self confidence issues, you name it, she probably felt it. Her fathers were never home, her mom abandoned and replaced her, she never felt good enough, only on the stage, and that's why all her energy was directed towards it.

Kurt remembered meeting Mr. Anderson. The bad thing about living in a small town was that everyone knew your business. Gossip spread faster than the flu. Mr. Anderson got a sadistic pleasure though, from watching people squirm. He just hated on everyone. Anyone who had a dream. He crushed it until they lost all faith in themselves and gave up. Settled for being a Lima Loser forever. But why?

Kurt needed to know. After he had met Mr. Anderson he did a little digging. When Edward Richard Anderson graduated from William McKinley High School he had everything. He was an honors student, he was dating the captain of the cheerleading squad, Allison Rebecca Hastings. He was going to be a star.

Right there. A star. He was in everything drama and music. He was going to hit it big on Broadway one day. It was a sure thing. Or so everyone thought.

The summer before he was to go off to NYU, he got dropped. His full ride got handed over to Hiram Berry, local gay who sent in his acceptance just a day earlier. But it wasn't going to get him down. He'd go to community college and take a few courses, reapply next year and get out of the small town then.

Allison got pregnant. A stupid mistake. Within nine months Chuck William Anderson was born. He was beautiful. And expensive. And the reason he married her. No longer, Allison Rebecca Hastings, but Allison Rebecca Anderson. They were a family. He tried. For five years he tried to land a leading role in Ohio, but it was not to be. Then Allison got pregnant again. He couldn't support a family of four as an on-again, off-again actor. Blaine Everett Anderson was born the same day he enrolled for law school. He could be successful that way. Make a decent living. Support his family. That was what it was all about.

Mr. Edward Robert Anderson had tried and failed. He'd had dreams and not been good enough.

And Kurt Elizabeth Hummel refused to let him stomp on him. Rachel however, had probably taken everything to heart, pretending it was all okay, when in reality, she had given up.

Kurt found himself rushing through his morning skincare routine and driving to Rachel's house.

"Alright!" Kurt said barging into the house and turning the T.V. off around 11 o'clock.

"Hey!" Rachel shouted from her spot on the couch curled up with ice cream pouting profusely.

"Nope, not going to happen!" Kurt said grabbing her ice cream and throwing it in the trash, "I refuse to let you sit here and feel sorry for yourself. Get up."

Rachel frowned gluing herself to her spot as Kurt grabbed her arms trying to pull her up. "I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself! I am reexamining my being!"

Kurt stood up, putting his hands firmly on his hips and raising is eyebrows doubtfully, "Really? And you call pigging out on ice cream and watching Funny Girl on repeat reexamining your being?"

Rachel raised her eyebrows in defiance. "Rachel," Kurt said more kindly now, sitting down next to her and bringing her close for a comforting embrace, "I know it hurts, but Mr. Anderson, he is a broken down dreamer who had his life ruined by his wife and your father. He is just jealous of the fact that you can get out of here. By letting him destroy you, you're letting him win."

"Kurt he's right," Rachel said, her eyes darkening with hurt and despair, "I'm unloved, I'm not a star, I'm a nobody. I'm never getting out of here."

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows in disbelief. "Rachel he said that?" She nodded faintly. "He's wrong. And do you know how I know?"

Rachel looked up to the ceiling and shrugged, shaking her head whispering, "How?"

Kurt turned Rachel so she was looking him in the eyes, "I love you. You're my best friend. Blaine loves you more than anything else in this world. You are the most talented person in this state, and your ambition? It does push-ups in your sleep. If ANYONE is getting out of here, it's you and Blaine. Together."

Rachel's eyes widened. "Really?"

Kurt smiled, "Of course." And then more seriously, "But not if you let him win." Rachel nodded in agreement. "Good. Now how about a facial followed by a makeover?"

"Let's do it."

Rachel spent the rest of her weekend with Kurt, who refused to let her feel sorry for herself. Sunday night, she was even ready to call Blaine.

"Blaine?" Rachel asked nervously into the phone.

"Rachel. I thought," Blaine began to ask warily.

"Kurt helped me get my head straight. And I missed you. I feel horrible that I just ran and left you to deal with the aftermath, I'm so sorry."

"Rachel, don't be." Blaine said kindly, "He knew just where to hit. You needed a chance to recover."

Blaine?" Rachel asked shyly, "Can you spend the night?"

Blaine chuckled on the other end of the phone, "Hold on." Blaine set the phone down for a moment, but was back quickly, "Definitely. But," Blaine said, pausing dramatically.

Rachel giggled, prodding Blaine, "BUT? What?"

Blaine laughed. "Chuck has to come too."

"Lemme ask my dad's," Rachel said playfully before speaking sarcastically, "Oh wait, they're not here! My rules! I say okay!"

"I'll be there in an hour."

"I love you." Rachel said lovingly before she hung up.

She could feel his mood change to match hers on the other end as he said, "I love you too. More than I think you even realize."

Rachel chuckled lightly, "I seriously doubt that. See you soon."

"Bye."

Rachel, who was on her large bed, hung up, and giggling uncontrollably like a little girl, feeling the spark coming back to life in her eyes as she recovered and prepped for Blaine and Chuck to arrive. Rachel found herself popping popcorn, setting out movies, and preparing drinks, although Rachel and Blaine had school the following day.

"Rachel!" Blaine called from outside Rachel's door an hour later.

"C'mon Rachy!" Chuck called loudly, banging on the door, "It's freezing out here! We're going to turn into snowmen where we stand if you don't open the door in FIVE, FOUR, THREE,"

"That joke wasn't even funny." Rachel stated breathlessly cocking her head to the side in challenge.

"RACHY!" Chuck shouted, launching himself into Rachel's arms picking her up and spinning her around. The man was kid in a grown-up's body most of the time.

Rachel giggled as she was put back down saying, "Well hello to you too."

"Hi there."

Rachel looked over with starry eyes to where Blaine stood still in the doorway, unsure a he looked longing towards Rachel.

Rachel shook her head smiling softly and said simply, "Blaine."

Before either knew it, they were walking towards each other and taking hold of each other in a bone-crushing hug. When they broke apart, Blaine leaned forward, brushing his hands through Rachel's silky hair, kissing her softly.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Chuck laughed, smacking the couple on the back of the heads lightly, breaking them apart enough, while they were still standing close to each other, arms wrapped around the other's waist as they both blushed.

"Alright," Rachel said, beginning to walk to the couch, turning the TV on, "So I pulled out a few movies, and made food. SO your options are Avatar, Funny Girl, or The Little Mermaid."

Chuck raised his eye brows in confusion, "The Little Mermaid?"

"Need I even explain?" Rachel said in defiance, putting her hands on her hips, "The Little Mermaid is AWESOME. And, if they ever do a remake or a stage production, I'll be first in line to play Ariel."

"I still wonder why, Ariel, why with two men coming over you chose The Little Mermaid." Chuck continued to prod.

Rachel squinted her eyes, laughing, "Well, it's just that whenever Blaine is over we watch Disney movies a lot."

Rachel hadn't noticed Blaine's eyes widen in fear, shking his head, waving hi arms to stop talking, only dropping his head in embarrassment and humiliation turning bright red as his brother began laughing hysterically, "Dude, she's turned you into a girl!"

"I used to be GAY remember!" Blaine said helplessly in his defense, "And, and, they're classic movies, and EPIC love stories."

Chuck continued to laugh, holding his sides and teasing his brother, "Epic love stories, yeah right! Classic movies? Hell yeah! Put it in, and put poor Blaine here out of his misery."

By the time the movie was over it was well pas ten, and Rachel was nodding off. "Rachel," Blaine whispered as the credits rolled, "I think it's time for bed."

"No," Rachel said, sitting up and shaking her head to wake herself up a little more, "I'm fine. Let's watch Avatar!"

"Ari," Chuck said, he had been calling her that ever since she had shared her little story, "There is no way you're going to make it through a three hour movie hun."

Rachel looked as if she were about to protest, then just gave up, grabbing Blaine's hand and pulling him upstairs to her room.

"Uhm, where do I sleep?" Chuck called as the pair began their descent upstairs.

Blaine turned his head before he disappeared up the stairs, "Second door on the left. It's the guest room."

Chuck widened his eye asking, "Where are you sleeping?" There was no answer as he called, "Hello? Hello? Okay, if you're going to stay with Rachel at LEAST keep it clean!"

Chuck was met with Blaine's shoe being thrown at his head from the stairs, a muffled shout of, "SHUT UP! SHE'S ALREADY PASSED OUT!" As Chuck chuckled softly to himself and making his way up the stairs.

When Blaine closed the door, Rachel was already under the covers, and looked asleep. Blaine took his shirt off and began to make his way to the bed, when a groggy Rachel looked up and whispered, "You're sparkling…Are you a vampire Blaine?"

Blaine shook his head and laughed as he got under the soft comforter and brought Rachel into his arms, "I think you are WAY too tired, babe. But just for you, I'll be a vampire for tonight."

"Ok…" Rachel whispered, curling into Blaine's chest, already drifting back off to sleep, "I love you, you know."

Blaine smiled inwardly, beginning to drift off as well, "I love you too."

The next day at school went surprisingly well, the footballers were still too stuffed and content from their Thanksgivings to beat up on the ones lower on the food chains, or the glee clubbers who were in the sub-basement according to Sue.

After school, Blaine and Rachel went to the choir room for glee club, and while waiting for Mr. Schue to show up Blaine grabbed his guitar and began playing, Rachel singing and dancing along.

"_Look at this stuff,  
>Isn't neat,<br>Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?  
>Wouldn't you think I'm the girl,<br>The girl who has everything?_

_Look at this trove,  
>Treasures untold,<br>How many wonders can one cavern hold,  
>Looking around here you'd think,<br>Sure,  
>She's got everything."<em> Rachel sang sitting in her chair as kids filed in, ready to start work for the day.

"_I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty,  
>I've got whoozits and whatzits galore,<br>You want thingamabobs?  
>I've got twenty."<em> Rachel sang to Kurt who had just sat down. Normally, people would be talking, but the upbeat version of the song had people listening. They were intent on how free Rachel seemed singing, just for the love of it rather than focusing on just hitting the notes perfectly and conveying the emotion well. The rawness of her voice made that much better.

"_But who cares?  
>No big deal,<br>I want more._

_I want to be where the people are,  
>I want to see, want to see 'em dancing,"<em> Rachel continued to sing standing and dancing a little.  
><em>"Walking around on those…<br>What are they called again?"_ Rachel asked cutely looking over to Blaine in feigned confusion who sang with her,  
><em>"Oh, feet."<em>

"_Flipping your fins you won't get too far,  
>Legs are required for jumping, dancing,<br>Walking around on those…  
>What are they called again?" <em>Rachel sang looking over to Blaine for the supply of word, who gladly, smiling widely sang in unison again with her,

"_Streets."_

Rachel began to dance around the room singing, _"Up where they walk,  
>Up where they run,<br>Up where they stay all day in the sun,_

_Wandering free,  
>Wish I could be,<br>Part of that world." _Rachel's voice echoed around the room as the pure concentrate flooded the ears of the members of the glee club as her expressions adjusted to the new mood of the song flawlessly.

"_What would I give,  
>If I could live,<br>Out of these waters?_

_What would I pay,  
>To spend a day,<br>Warm on the sand?_

_Betcha on land,  
>They'd understand,<br>That that they don't reprimand their daughters,"_ Rachel's mood brightened as she began to dance again, her voice booming throughout the room.

"_Bright young women,  
>Sick of swimming,<br>Ready to stand!_

_I'm ready to know what the people know,  
>Asking my questions and get some answers,<br>Like what's a fire?  
>And why does it,<br>What's the word?  
>Burn!"<em> Rachel sang, coming up with the word by herself this time, pulling up Kurt, Mercedes, Puck and Tina, dancing with them as she finished the song.

"_Up where they walk,  
>Up where they run,<br>Up where they spend all day in the sun,_

_Wandering free,  
>Wish I could be,<br>Part of that world…_

_Wandering free,  
>Wish I could be,<br>Part of your world…" _Rachel finished quietly.

The members of New Directions began clapping as Mr. Schue made his way into the room.

"I see we are all warmed up and ready to get prepped for Regional's in a MONTH!" Mr. Schue said, getting everyone pumped up. Things were going to be okay.

It was Wednesday that Rachel's life fell apart completely.

Ninth period Rachel and Blaine had Chemistry together. They paired up with each other early on the year, and it just so turned out that they were working on a lab that day. Their teacher, Mrs. Greenburg, had just sent the class back to their lab tables for the period. Blaine began looking in the lab book, examining the directions as Rachel rolled her sleeves up absentmindedly.

"Okay," Blaine said reading the book and looking up, "So first, we need to-Rach…" He whispered, scared, his eyes glued to Rachel's arms, while she lit the Bunsen burner, "What. Are those?"

Rachel turned her head to look at Blaine, his eyes wide, realizing almost immediately what he was asking. She started to shake, pulling her arms away and attempting to pull her sleeves down, only to be stopped by Blaine, who, trying to contain his anger, "Don't even try and pretend I didn't see, Rachel. What the HELL were those?"

"Mr. Anderson!" Their teacher scolded, "Language!"

Rachel cast her eyes downward, ashamed and scared. "Please don't make me say it."

"Rachel," Blaine began, fear taking over his anger now, "Do you hurt yourself?"

"I don't mean to."

"Don't say that Rachel." Blaine said, his own eyes welling, "You, you are a beautiful person, you, you don't need to do this to yourself."

Rachel felt her eyes welling as she tried not to look at Blaine, working mindlessly through the lab. "You hate me. You're going to break up with me."

Blaine grasped Rachel's hand now, forcing her to look into his shocked eyes. "You really think I'd break up with you?"

"I'm a freak."

"Don't say that. Rachel, you just need some help. Let me help you. I love you, and I'm not going to break up with you." He said, kissing Rachel on the forehead.

"Mr. Anderson!" Mrs. Greenburg scolded once more, "PDA! Another infraction and it will be a detention!"

"We can talk more after school." Rachel said, turning back to her lab book.

Blaine shook his head, "No, we can just go home tenth during our free period. Everyone can survive without us for a day."

"Fine."

Blaine and Rachel worked on the lab silently, being the last ones to finish when normally they were the first. Kurt and Quinn had A.P. Chemistry with them as well, and they were fully aware to the emotional change between the couple. Blaine seemed scared, more protective, Rachel even more reserved, why? They couldn't figure it out.

When the bell rang signaling tenth period, Blaine and Rachel parted for not but five minutes to pack their things before joining up again, Blaine driving to Rachel's house. The car ride was silent, as were the next thirty minutes as Blaine went around the house, putting all items he thought could be used to harm herself in a bag and locking it away in the safe his mom and dad had put in his car to keep his valuables safe.

As Blaine did all this, he looked back on the past ten months he had been with Rachel. He kept asking himself why he didn't know, what had triggered the self harm. He remembered when he packed Rachel off for Nationals. He had taken her thin excuse and bought it…it obviously wasn't from accidentally slicing herself while cutting up an onion. Her life wasn't horrible, it was tough, but not horrible…or so he thought.

When he finished, he met Rachel on the couch where she sat, with glazed over eyes, watching Cinderella. He took her in his arms, getting no response, until she seemed to relax, tears beginning to fall as she whispered over and over again, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Blaine just held her tighter, kissing her head, and trying desperately to make her pain go away. He could fix this. Blaine could FIX. THIS. He had to.

They watched a few more movies, Blaine cooking Ramen noodles on the stove for dinner. He cleaned out the knives and forks. They talked little, Rachel seeming to want to avoid her issue altogether. For now, that would be okay. Tomorrow, maybe not so much.

"I'm going to shower." Rachel said, getting up from the couch and making her way up the stairs.

"Leave the door unlocked." Blaine called after her.

"I'm not FIVE Blaine." Rachel spit. "I can shower all by myself."

"Rachel," Blaine said, turning himself so he could look at her, "Please, for my peace of mind. I'm going to call Chuck and ask if I can stay over tonight. Is that okay?"

Rachel turned around and marched up the stairs angrily saying, "Whatever." When the door slammed closed, he heard Rachel shout, muffled by the door, "It's UNLOCKED!"

Rachel turned angrily around and pulled one of the drawers out, reaching underneath and pulling out a razor. When they had first gotten home, the first thing Rachel did was hide her razor, she still needed to shave, and Blaine wasn't going to stop her.

How old did Blaine think she was? He took all of her sharp items away, what was she going to do in the shower, drown herself? She was depressed, but she didn't want to kill herself. Rachel turned the air and shower on, flipping her iPod on shuffle, her speakers blaring the Rascal Flatts song, Sarabeth. How depressing, she thought sarcastically, hopping in the shower beginning to shampoo her short hair.

It wasn't long before Rachel was shaving her legs, the shiny four bladed tool running across her leg. She moved onto her left leg, moving faster, not wanting Blaine to become suspicious. In her haste, Rachel nicked her leg, the scarlet blood running in a thin line down her shin. The pain…her stress…gone.

A wicked idea.

That's all it started as.

Rachel ran the now bloody blade under the water, and then ran the blade lightly across the top of her thigh; she did this multiple times, a little harder each time, until she drew blood…so much blood. The familiar light headedness flooded her senses.

"Rachel!" Blaine called, banging on the door, "Are you almost done?"

She snapped out of her haze, calling as she jumped out of the shower, leaving the water running, "Almost!"

She cleaned the blade off once more, hiding under the same drawer, carefully, so as not to alert Blaine. Next she cleaned her leg off, bandaging her thigh carefully, and stopping the bleeding on her shin. She finally turned the shower off, toweling her body and peeking her head out of the bathroom.

"All done. Give me five minutes to get dressed and brush my teeth and hair, and I'm all yours."

"Okay." Blaine said, smiling encouragingly, "Thank you for leaving the door unlocked."

Rachel smiled faintly, "No problem." Then closing the door once more.

Rachel leaned against the counter, hyperventilating. He couldn't find out. He couldn't. She shakily opened her mirror, beginning to brush her teeth. When she finished, she brushed her hair, finally getting dressed in a red short sleeve shirt and plaid matching sleep shorts. She pulled them low enough so she could disguise her thigh, and opened the bathroom door once more.

"Let me see your wrists." Blaine stated when she came out.

Rachel chuckled nervously, "C'mon Blaine, what was I going to hurt myself with?"

Blaine serious expression was not moved. Rachel rolled her eyes and put out her arms, letting Blaine examine them closely. Rachel heard the faint music of her iPod playing. She forgot to turn it off. "All cle-Rachel, your shin."

Rachel feigned confusion as her heart began to pound. "What about my shin?"

Blaine squatted down, running his fingers lightly over the red spot. "It looks like you cut your leg shaving."

"Oh, that?" Rachel continued to lie, "That was from two days ago. I accidentally cut myself"

"Yeah, but this looks fresh…" Blaine continued to question, his eyes now traveling up her leg to her thigh, moving he fabric lightly away revealing the bandage.

"Blaine, please," Rachel began to beg, before Blaine, now seeming angry as he tore the bandage off the long slice in her leg now apparent.

Rachel shrunk back slightly, no classroom this time to stop his own frustration from taking over shouting, "You can't do this!"

"Blaine, I'm sorry." Rachel pleaded, now scared.

"I have to FIX YOU!" He shouted, not angry with her, but himself. He had to fix her. He NEEDED to fix her.

Rachel's eyes, still scared turned confused and upset, "It's not your job to FIX ME!" She shouted, "I can't be FIXED!" Before turning around and slamming the bathroom door, locking it.

She was never good enough. NEVER. Even Blaine wanted to FIX HER. Rachel searched frantically through the drawers. He missed it.

A small gold pair of nail clippers, an older pair, they looked more like scissors. They would do.

Blaine pounded on the door, his pleading for her to let him in drowned out by her break. Blaine began kicking, pounding, doing anything he could to get that door OPEN. He HAD to get it OPEN. The wood began to splinter.

Rachel took the scissors and shoved them into her wrist, dragging them downwards, the blood pouring out. She did it again. Rachel felt herself collapsing onto the cold white bathroom tile as Blaine broke the door down, blackness engulfing her, the cool metal of the scissors falling out of her hands, as Blaine picked her up to get her to the emergency room.

Rachel murmured the lyrics playing through the speakers in a confused haze as she blacked out from blood loss, _"If I die young,  
>Bury me in satin,<br>Lay me down on a bed of roses,  
>Sink me in the river, at dawn,<br>And lay me down with the words of a love song…"_


	8. Chapter 8

"_Sometimes I feel like nobody has held me down and forced me to cry or made me hug them, or seen to the inside of me. I just say 'Oh I'm fine' and walk away. Nobody's ever said to me 'No you're not'." –Anonymous_

_**Chapter 8**_

Blaine's mind kept repeating the event of that night as he paced the hard tile waiting room floor, shaking, trying to hold it together.

_He laid her in the car, going 50 the whole way there, she lived close to the hospital, thank God. He kept looking over the whole way, counting down the minutes, watching as the blood stained his seats, there was so much blood. Blaine parked the car roughly, picking Rachel back up and sprinting inside, screaming, "She needs help now! Somebody help! She's dying!"_

_A nurse ran out, taking Rachel out of his arms, and running her back behind the large swinging doors._

Things moved slowly, the fine details blurring together, the only thing running on repeat the lyrics to the song, probably still playing through her speakers at the house. He couldn't do this alone.

Shaking, Blaine reached in his pocket for his phone, finding it empty. Detail. Sitting on the coffee table. He pulled out his wallet next, finding spare change, and going to the pay phone.

"Hello there! May I ask who is calling?" Chuck's light voice picked up.

Blaine took a shaky breath, practically whispering in the phone, "She's dying Chuck."

"Wait." Chuck said his voice turning nervous, "Blaine? What's going on?"

"Chuck, come to Lima Memorial. I, I need someone here." Blaine continued to whimper. He was struggling to hold it together now, trying to come to terms with what was happening.

"She tried to kill herself…So much blood."

"I'm on my way. Call Kurt. He can get there faster."

The line went dead, Blaine almost automotonically calling Kurt.

Kurt hung up the phone, running from his room down the stairs, bulldozing into Finn on his way down.

"Whoa, dude, slow down, " Finn laughed pausing on his way up to look at Kurt, "I don't care if there's a sale at Macy's, if it's there now it'll still be there in a few minutes."

Kurt was not fazed as he grabbed his keys, calling to his dad, "There was an emergency, I'm heading to Lima Memorial, be back in a while!"

Finn, practically doubled back down the stairs, grabbing Kurt and asking, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up! What? Who's in the hospital?"

Kurt shook his head turning for the door, beginning to call Mercedes, pausing to say, "Let's go, I'll explain in the car."

"Kurt," Finn said more firmly now, demanding, "WHO?"

Kurt paused turning back around once more. "Rachel. She tried to kill herself."

And the phone tree had begun.

Kurt called Mercedes, who called Tina and Artie. Artie called Brittany who called Santana. Tina called Mike. Finn called only two people. Puck and Mr. Schue. Puck called Quinn who ended up calling Sam, and before everyone knew it, they were all rushing to the hospital, anxious to see if their friend had survived.

Kurt arrived first with Finn, finding Blaine quickly enough, and practically tackling him in a reassuring hug, as Kurt began to cry, asking in just about meaningless jabber about what happened.

Blaine pulled his head out of Kurt's neck, his voice quivering as he began his story, Chuck arriving next, and joining the three in a small circle. "She, she," Blaine stuttered, trying to find words, more and more people beginning to arrive,

"Did you know she hurt herself?" Kurt gasped, shaking his head, Blaine continuing his story, "She cut her wrists, her forearms. I wasn't even supposed to find out, it was an accident. I just wanted to help, and, and then she locked herself in the bathroom, and just, just, tore up her arms…God, there was so much blood…" Blaine said, feeling the dam breaking, falling, Kurt and Chuck leading him into a chair as he sobbed loudly and openly.

Kurt and Chuck were sitting next to Blaine in the hard blue hospital chairs, attempting to calm Blaine with no luck. The boy continued to sob, Brittany and Artie finally arriving. As the others stood in shock, Puck explained to them what happened.

"Brittany," Puck said a few minutes later extremely frustrated with her cluelessness, as Finn paced the carpet nervously, his guilt taking over, twiddling his thumbs, "Rachel used sharp things to make herself bleed! Then, she tried to kill herself!"

Brittany, perking her head to the side said confused, "My unicorn lost her horn?"

"YOU'RE HOPELESS!" Puck said, kicking the chair and turning off on his heel.

Finn continued to twiddle his thumbs trying not cry. Could he have saved her? He stopped in front of Blaine, seeming to have to have come to an epiphany mumbling, "I knew. I could have saved her."

Blaine tilted his head up looking at Finn darkly asking, "What?"

Kurt and Chuck gave each other nervous glances, trying to understand just what was going on.

Finn looked down at Blaine, his eyes watering, "I knew. I knew everything." He confessed, trying to make sense of everything himself.

Blaine stood, enraged, but still quiet, "How long? How long did you know?"

Finn looked off to the side, too embarrassed to look directly at him, whispering, "Last day of school junior year."

Finn's height left him no advantage, suddenly feeling very small as the short dark haired teenager shouted, "And you did nothing! You knew, and you just pretended like it didn't exist!"

"No."

"Then what did you do! Huh?"

"Blaine," Kurt said, laying his hand lightly on his shoulder, "Calm down."

"No!" Blaine, blinded by anger continued to cry, his anger, and sadness overriding reason, "I want to know what was just so important that Finn NOT tell ANYONE about what Rachel was doing to herself!"

Finn's lips quivered, slow, ashamed tears running down his cheeks admitting softly, "Leverage. I, I used it against her so that, that she might, God it's so dumb now, so that she would take me back."

Blaine stood in shock for a moment, the room quiet, in horror at Finn's actions. Well now it was Blaine's turn. He picked up his fist, landing a clean hit across Finn's jaw and nose.

"You cared more about yourself than you did about Rachel," Blaine whispered, getting down next to Finn and practically spitting in the bleeding boy's ear, as Puck and Mike tried to help him up, "You could have helped her, and instead, you used a serious problem as LEVERAGE. Well guess what, Finn? She might die now. And it's your fault."

Mr. Schuester arrived last, Ms. Pillsbury just behind him, beginning to ask questions of his own when a nurse came in calling, "The family of Rachel Berry?"

Blaine got up immediately, "I'm her boyfriend."

The nurse gave Blaine a remorseful smile as she said kindly, "I'm sorry, but I can only release information to her direct family."

Mr. Schuester stepped forward, saving Blaine who looked even more broken, yearning for information, "I'm her father, and this is her mother. How is our daughter?"

The nurse examined Mr. Schuester, a knowing look on her face, but relented anyways saying informatively, "Your daughter came to us with large gashes down both of her forearms, bleeding profusely. Repairing the damage that was done, well it was extremely difficult. When she came to us, she had already lost a lot of blood, and to ensure that she wouldn't die, we brought in a second surgeon to work on the other arm.

"There was a lot of muscle and nerve damage done. Physical therapy is going to be a must to get her hands, fingers, and wrists working properly again."

"How is she now?" Mr. Schuester inquired after the nurse finished.

"We moved her out of the critical care unit, and into a regular room, although we are still monitoring her very closely. Now, here is what I am sure this young gentleman over here is waiting for," The nurse said, gesturing her head to Blaine, "Is whether or not Rachel is allowed to have visitors. Dr. Levinson, her assigned doctor, said that when she wakes up she can have people in. However, I am the attending nurse, and I know that because I delivered the last dose of her medication, that she should be up soon, so, if someone wants to go in now, I'll look the other way."

The room was silent for a moment, Blaine stepping forward and beginning to walk with the nurse out of the room, when she turned around.

"By the way, she's in room 508. Fifth floor, take right to the end of the hallway, and then make a left."

"Thank you, nurse..?" Mr. Schuester prompted, smiling warmly, the nurse's optimism infectious.

"Amanda. Nurse Amanda. But really, it's nothing. This is what I love to do." She responded, smiling and leading Blaine out of the room.

The two began their way to Rachel's room Blaine began breathing harder, his nervousness rising, eventually Amanda grasped Blaine's hand in reassurance saying, "Honey, she's going to be fine. No matter what it may seem now, it'll be okay."

"I tried to help her and look at what happened. I'm just so scared."

Amanda gave him a look full of compassion, placing the blame on himself. "What's your name?"

"Blaine."

"Well Blaine, you can't blame yourself. This isn't your fault. You can help her recover though. She is going to need help. And to have someone with her that loves her so much to help, that's the best you can hope for." Amanda said, as they came to her room. "Here we are."

Blaine looked in, almost scared. Amanda put her hand on his shoulder, whispering, "I'll go. Let you have a minute."

Amanda gave one last reassuring squeeze for Blaine, and left him at the door of the hospital room. Before even walking in, Blaine could hear the faint beeping of Rachel's heart monitor, the sound echoing in a steady beat.

Blaine took in a sharp pronounced breath that seemed to echo around the stoic room as he took in Rachel's broken appearance. Her face was pallid, her usually bright rosy lips and cheeks devoid of any color. Her chocolate brown hair fell limply around her face, her bangs falling messy into her closed eyes. She looked deep in slumber, her head nodded off to the side, her long, thick eyelashes touching her skin softly, delicately. The hospital gown she wore was too big, making her features all seem sharper, skinnier. Blaine worked his way slowly down her arms, first spotting the I.V. in her upper arm. He skipped over her forearms looking at her opposite hand which had a small pulse detector stuck to her pointer finger. Now he dared to look.

White gauze and bandaging covered Rachel's entire forearms, leaving Blaine's mind to wander. How many stitches? How much blood? Were they red and swollen? Probably. The pain had to be excruciating…but Amanda did say there was a lot of nerve damage, was there any feeling left at all?

Blaine moved into the room, sitting down in the hard chair next to her bed and staring, continuing to let his mind wander, absentmindedly reaching out for Rachel's hand for comfort, hoping not just for her, but also for himself to be better. To make it through. To heal.

"Why?" He asked to the air, "Why, after all the hell I've lived with, why did this have to happen?"

Rachel began to stir. "Rachel?" Blaine asked in eager anticipation, "Rachel, how do you feel?"

Her eyes fluttered, sucking in a deep breath. She moved around slightly, getting more comfortable, examining the room, her eyes landing on Blaine. "Why are you here?" She asked bitterly.

Blaine looked hurt, asking, "What? I love you, Rachel. I'm here because I'm worried about you, I love you. I want you to be better."

She rolled her eyes. "Really, you don't want to 'fix me'?"

"What?" Blaine asked again, genuinely confused. "I want to help you."

"There's a huge difference, Blaine!" she shouted hoarsely. "Because I remember specifically you saying and I quote, 'I need to fix you'!"

"But-"

"No, Blaine," Rachel continued to rant. She needed to say this, her heartbeat began to quicken, "I don't need to be fixed. I just need you to be there."

"Rachel, that's all I-"

"Ms. Berry," Amanda said as she came running to the room. "Are you alright? I'm sorry Blaine, her pulse is getting dangerously high, and you need to leave."

Rachel's eyes widened in fear as Blaine got up at her nurse's request. "No!" she shouted, her heartbeat ever increasing as now she panicked.

"Ms. Berry,"

"No, no," she continued to beg, now on the verge of tears. "I need him. He can't leave, I need Blaine. Come here. Blaine, don't leave, please don't leave. I don't hate you. Please, just don't leave me."

Blaine rushed back to Rachel holding her hand and stroking her hair, whispering, "Shhh, shhh, baby, calm down. I'm not going anywhere. Don't worry, I'm not leaving." Rachel's pulse slowed. "I love you, honey, I'm not leaving. I'm right here."

Amanda continued to stand in the doorway, seemingly set in her decision. Blaine and Rachel both looked up at her with pleading eyes, Blaine asking, "Please let me stay. She wants me here."

"Fine." Amanda said after a moment, "Just watch her heart rate. If it gets too high, you and your friends are out for the entire night. I don't want to, but I will if I have to."

Rachel smiled weakly. "Thank you."

Amanda left, leaving the two alone in a silent room, the uneasiness and unanswered questions beginning to thicken the air. Blaine, even though he was kissing her knuckles affectionately over and over again, was still tense, still shaken from Rachel's angry words. Rachel was still upset. Blaine's words had sunk deep.

When Blaine stopped, still gripping Rachel's hand tightly, he whispered, "I'm sorry. All I've ever wanted is for you to have everything, never be in any kind of pain whatsoever. I just want to be there for you. I want to help you get better. I just, I just,"

"Blaine," Rachel said, stopping him, "Stop. I was angry. I was emotional. But, Blaine, thank you. Just, just don't leave. I need you."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Rachel smiled, leaning forward slightly as Blaine kissed her forehead. When she leaned back his content smile was gone, a more serious expression now gracing his normally happy features.

"Rachel,"

"Whatever you're about to ask," Rachel interrupted, scared, "Think before you do. Because I'm going to be honest. Brutally honest, because I'm tired of hiding."

Blaine thought for a moment, but continued his previous train of thought, "Rachel, how did this start?"

Rachel sighed, looking off into space, her heart ripping in two. Why did he have to ask? "I really wish that you wouldn't have asked." Blaine remained stone faced, urging without words to answer the question.

"Okay. Well, I guess it all started the beginning of sophomore year. When glee club started. We were awful, and it didn't help my standing. I was already getting picked on and slushied constantly as it was and after this it just increased. But, I could deal with that.

"And then Finn joined. I fell hard and fast." Rachel paused momentarily, seemingly torn about what she was going to say next. "Blaine, what I'm about to tell you, no one can ever know. Do I have your word?"

Blaine pondered this for a moment, finally nodding. Rachel continued, "Finn needed help singing and I offered. My intentions weren't completely pure. He arrived, and I was set. We began working, he hit a high B, and I suggested we sit and take a break. I had created a picnic, I even made virgin cosmos. You have to remember at the time, Finn was still dating Quinn.

"We were talking, and Finn said that I touched him in his heart when I sang, but he put his hand on the wrong side of his chest and so I leaned forward and moved his hand. We were captivated, and he leaned forward and kissed me." Rachel could see Blaine flinch at the mental image, but she continued. "It started to turn into something more when he practically seized, jumping up apologizing and running away.

"I was crushed. Heart-broken, I ran home, and began making dinner, which used to be therapeutic, but, in my haste, I nicked my finger, drawing blood, and the pain, it felt good. It felt so good, Blaine. Like, like my troubles just flew away. So I tried my wrist, only a little deeper. Even better. Before I knew it, I was doing it every night, and I felt like everything was just…better."

Blaine seemed shocked, frozen to his chair, Rachel not wanting him to leave her continued, "But then I met you. And you, you were even better than the blade. You make me feel special. You make me want to be better. When I get picked on, you make me laugh. The day you told me not to scratch at my wrists? After you left, I was about to pull out my piece of glass, but then I heard you tell me to stop, and you know what? I didn't do it! Blaine, you, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Blaine still seemed far off in thought, digesting all of the information he had received.

Blaine was at a crossroads. He wouldn't leave Rachel that much he was sure of. But the idea that she had been doing that to herself…for three years, that it was Finn of all people that set her off. But then, it was him who saved her. Just as much as she saved him, he saved her from herself.

Blaine needed to think. "Hey." Blaine snapped out of his trance turning his head and seeing the entirety of New Directions at the door. Kurt spoke up, "We were wondering if a few of us could visit. Amanda said one at a time."

Blaine stood up, this was the perfect time to think, and now she wouldn't be alone. At Rachel's frantic and scared eyes Blaine turned around kissing her softly saying, "I'll be back. I promise. I just, I need to digest everything. But I promise I will come in again before I leave, okay?"

Rachel nodded meekly, and Blaine smiled, kissing her once more before leaving. Kurt decided to come in first, shutting the door lightly behind him. "Rach," He began, sitting down and hold Rachel's hand in comfort, "How are you feeling?"

"I can't."

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I messed up my nerves and muscles so bad, Kurt, I, I can't feel my hands, I can't move my arms. And I'm scared. I'm scared that when and if I can feel again, that the pain is going to be excruciating. And what about Blaine? I'm scared that he's going to leave me. Look at me, Kurt, I'm a,"

"Don't even finish that sentence," Kurt finally said intervening, "You are not a freak. This self-pity isn't going to get you anywhere. You think you're going to get better feeling like this? No. It was the self-pity, the self-hatred that put you there in the first place."

"Kurt, I,"

"Listen. I love you Rach. You and Blaine? You are like my best friends. My sister. I was trying so hard not to cry when I was driving here. Do you know what that's like? Getting a call from Blaine, who is trying desperately to hold it together because the girl he loves tried to kill herself? And all of a sudden, you're speeding to the hospital,"

"I didn't try to kill myself!" Rachel shouted cutting Kurt off, her own tears welling, while Kurt looked on the verge of crying. At his stunned expression Rachel continued.

"It was the pain Kurt, the emotional pain! I wasn't trying to kill myself, Blaine, he said he wanted to fix me, the pain, the hurt; I wanted to get rid of it. It just, it pushed me over the edge, I needed more release than I ever had before, and I almost died. But let me make this clear, Kurt. I did NOT go in with the intention of killing myself."

"You didn't?" Kurt asked, cocking his head to the side.

Rachel huffed in frustration, "No, Kurt. I didn't hate my life THAT much. I was not trying to kill myself."

Kurt flung himself onto Rachel's bed, hugging her tightly screaming, "Thank God!" Rachel shoved him off of her bed, breathing heavily as Kurt began into one of his rants, "I mean, we all thought that you hated us all, that we had to fix everything because it was all our faults, and that,"

"Kurt!" Rachel interrupted, "You really don't get it do you? It is your faults! Glee is the one place where everyone is supposed to be accepted, and I get picked on just as bad as I do during the day! The only time I'm actually wanted is when you need me to sing! You use me for my talent! You should all be ashamed."

"Rachel, I, I don't know what to say." Kurt spoke after a moment. "I just, I hadn't even realized how much this was affecting you. You just kind of put up with it. I'm sorry…I didn't even realize that we were doing it."

"Yeah, well you were." Rachel spoke coldly, staring at the wall. She seemed to soften after a moment; however, realizing it was Kurt she was talking to, her best friend, he stood by her. "Kurt, I'm sorry. Today's been kind of rough if you haven't noticed."

Kurt shook his head, "No, Rachel, you're right. The way we treat you isn't fair. And I apologize. I sit here, with your supposed friend's just outside, and yet, we are awful to you on a regular basis. Jeez, I mean, the only person who has really been faithful and kind to you completely is Blaine…God, Rachel, I feel horrible."

"Stop it." Rachel said, "Remember that rant about self-pity? Well it applies to you too." Kurt smiled up at his best friend, Rachel returning the smile. "Now," She said after a moment, "What happened? It was hard not to notice Finn's black eye and swollen lip."

Kurt smiled lightly. "You would be so proud of Blaine…"

It had been a good two hours, and finally Rachel had seen everyone…but for Finn. She, along with everyone else had been putting that off for the end. She had heard from the last three people, Santana, Quinn, and Brittany (by far her favorite visitor she had drawn a picture), that Blaine was getting impatient. Finn walked in, shyly, holding ice to his lip, and a bouquet of lilies in his hands.

"Hi." Finn said, setting the flowers down on a patch of free space by the window. Rachel had received balloons, cards, and other various flowers from the glee club, and Kurt had gotten Rachel pink roses and the vocal book from the new musical Wonderland.

"Hello Finn." Rachel responded coldly, secretly admiring the lilies.

"I got you lilies." Finn said nervously, pointing to the small bouquet of flowers and beginning to ramble, "Remember your birthday last year? When I got you lilies because I thought they were your favorite?"

Rachel bit her lip, "Of course. It was the same day I saw my mother at the grocery store with Beth only to have her ignore me. Thank you for reminding me."

Finn sighed. This was not going to be easy. "Here," He tried again, handing her a small card, "I got you a card."

Rachel rolled her eyes, coldly accepting the card. The front was a child-like drawing of a smiling sun and rainbow. Inside, was room for a personal note, which Finn had written in. It read in his messy scrawl:

_Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking, when there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by. If you smile, through your pain and sorrow, smile, there may be tomorrow, you'll see the sun coming shining through for you. You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile. _

_Rach, you touch my heart when you sing. Feel Better, Finn_

As sweet as it was Rachel was mad. "Thank you Finn, thank you very much." She said sarcastically, "I'm going to put this right here on my nightstand so I can be constantly reminded of you."

Finn looked baffled. "What was wrong with it? I thought you would be happy!"

"What was wrong with it?" Rachel said annoyed, "Okay, let's start with the lyrics. Those remind me of when I got Mr. Schue fired from New Directions because I forced us to do a commercial. If I recall correctly, 15 that night. 'And you touch my heart when you sing'? It was that day that started all of this, Finn, and"

"Okay!" Finn shouted, "I get it, you're mad! But you cannot blame all of this on me! You started this yourself, and you, not me, you, put yourself in the hospital! This is not my fault! I tried to come in here and apologize, and all I hear from the moment I get in here is you demeaning every nice thing I try and do!"

Rachel stared at the wall ahead, trying not to hear Finn, who just kept talking.

"Who stuck by you when we did the commercial and got Mr. Schue fired from New Directions? Huh? And who held you and comforted you every time you saw your mom with Beth? If I recall correctly, the lilies were to make you feel better! I got you a necklace for your birthday! You have no right-"

"Leave."

Finn paused, in shock. "I'm sorry?"

Rachel spoke again, still staring at the wall. "Leave now. I will not be spoken to in this way at this time. We can have this conversation later. But right now, I can't deal with this."

Finn shook his head, angry at himself for losing his temper. Again. "Rach, I,"

"Don't call me Rach. Leave Finn. You've already said plenty." Rachel spoke coldly, nodding her head towards the door; hearing Finn stand and leave, slamming the door behind him and feeling the wall shake, from his kick of frustration.

Blaine entered after a few minutes, Rachel shaking her head to rid herself of her tears. "Blaine do me a favor."

"Yeah?" He said, setting his things down and running to the bed.

"Grab those flowers and set them on the foot of the bed, okay?" Rachel asked nodding her head towards Finn's lilies. "Thank you."

Rachel readjusted herself, bringing her foot back and making firm contact with vase sending it towards the wall, shattering, the lilies, now lying limp on the floor.

"Whoa!" Blaine shouted jumping back at the violent action. "Who pissed you off?"

"Finn."

Blaine let out a deep breath, rubbing Rachel's hair saying, "Oh. I'm sorry. I can't believe they even let him come in here."

"Well they did," Rachel said, suddenly feeling much better after destroying Finn's vase. "You know, I just, and I can't deal with him and all of that baggage right now. But now you're here, so I'm happy."

Blaine chuckled as he wiped up the glass, and dried the water. "That's good. I want you to be happy. What do you want me to do with these lilies? I think they're gorgeous."

Rachel shook her head and said curtly, "Then you can keep them. I don't want those in here. I don't even like lilies."

Blaine laid the lilies lightly on the nearby table, intending to save them. "Okay," He said uncomfortably, reaching for his own gift, "Well, then I hope you like an arrangement of red roses, orchids, and bleeding hearts along with…TADA! I was saving it for the eighth day of Hanukkah, but this seemed more appropriate."

"Oh, Blaine," Rachel gasped, sniffing the flowers and cradling the black microphone, which had gold stars covering it, along with her initials, R.B.B. inscribed into it. "I love it! How did you know orchids were my favorite?"

Blaine laughed, genuinely happy at the bright smile on his girlfriend's face, "Do you want to kick these at the wall?"

Rachel shook her head saying, "Oh, never! I love them, the arrangement is beautiful! And the microphone? It's perfect!"

Blaine simply continued to smile, leaning forward and kissing Rachel on the forehead, "Well, I'm glad you like them."

Rachel calmed down now, smiling contently, "You always know just how to turn my day around, you know?"

"I do," Blaine responded, sitting down and continuing, "And do you know how I know?"

Rachel giggled, leaning back into the pillow, "How?" She asked, smiling.

"I know because you do the same thing for me. So don't ever scare me like that again, okay?"

Rachel nodded, suddenly nervous. "Blaine?" She asked after a moment, Blaine now reaching for her hand, nodding in recognition of her question. "Blaine I, I, I want,"

"Blaine?" Amanda interrupted, coming into the room.

Blaine smiled, turning his head back to Rachel's kind R.N. "Yes?"

"Visiting hours are over. I'm sorry, but you need to leave." Amanda said, stepping aside, making room for Blaine to leave.

"Give me just one minute." He said, turning his head back to Rachel, "What is honey? What were you going to say?"

Rachel looked from Amanda to Blaine and back again, still scared; only now she had lost her nerve. "It's nothing. We can talk tomorrow."

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows in uncertainty, "Are you sure?"

Rachel smiled meekly. "Positive."

"Okay." Blaine said after a moment, searching her eyes for an answer he couldn't find. "I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you too." Rachel responded after Blaine kissed her, leaving the room. Amanda waited a moment before coming back in and administering more pain medication.

"Alright, sweetie," Amanda said as she left the room, "Do you want me to turn the lights off and let you get some sleep?" Rachel nodded. "Okay, I'll be back in at midnight to administer more medication. Do you want me to wake you up?" Rachel shook her head. "Okay. Goodnight."

Amanda turned the light off, Rachel snuggling in and getting comfortable, feeling tears spring to her eyes. She looked to Blaine's flowers, feeling all of her vulnerabilities surface.

Rachel cried speaking to the dark, empty room.

"I want help."


	9. Chapter 9

"_So drop that little razor, and pick up your life, just forget all the bad things, the pain and the strife__." –Anonymous_

_**Chapter 9**_

Blaine left the hospital, the hallways quiet as the hospital shut down for the night. When he went for his car, he found Chuck sitting against it.

"What are you still doing here?" Blaine asked, taking in a deep breath.

Chuck stood, grabbing the keys which Blaine held. "Mom and I both agree that you should not be driving tonight."

Blaine looked ready to retaliate, when, too exhausted, he just gave up and walked with his brother to his car. They got in and Chuck pulled out, Blaine resting his head against the seat.

"Got something on your mind brother?" Chuck asked as they pulled onto the freeway heading back to Westerville. The clear starry night was shining through the windshield giving the car a bluish, white shine, seemingly out of place in accordance with the night.

Blaine looked to his brother with a tired raised eyebrow saying sarcastically, "Really? What do you think?"

Chuck laughed lightly in response to his little brother's remark, patting his shoulder in comfort, "Blaine, I get it. I do, you've been through a lot tonight. But, I also recognize there is something weighing heavily on your mind, more than just Rachel's almost death. So talk to me. What's up?"

Blaine took in a deep breath, looking out the window, while his head lay comfortably against the seat, as frustrated as he was. "I don't even know." He whispered, "Rachel, she was saying something to me, something that seemed really important, but then Amanda showed up and Rach just, she just shut down."

"Blaine," Chuck began rubbing his brother's arm, "Rachel trusts you. I'm sure she'll open up."

Blaine shook his head, "But what if she doesn't? Chuck, I don't know what it is she was trying to tell me. She looked so scared, like she got the courage and then, BAM. We get interrupted and she shuts down,"

"Blaine," Chuck interrupted as they turned off of the highway, "I promise you, she will open up. If she is going to talk to anyone, it'll be you. Just give her some time. This is a big thing to recover from."

Blaine contemplated this. Give her some time that seemed reasonable. Patience. Blaine could do that. Another thought crossed his mind.

"What about her dad's?"

Chuck sighed, shaking his head angrily. "You weren't kidding when you said they never show up."

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I called them, told them their daughter was in the hospital for suicide attempt," Chuck said, his grip tightening in the steering wheel, looking straight ahead, the headlights, illuminating the dark side streets of Westerville, "And do you know what they told me? They asked me how much would be required for hospital bills and a shrink. Not therapy, not a psychiatrist, a shrink. Their daughter is in the hospital with a serious psychological issue, and they just want to send a check."

"I can't believe it." Blaine breathed in disbelief, staring at the floor, "You know, I always understood they spent a lot of time away for work and such but, this, this,"

"Is completely incomprehensible?" Chuck finished as he found his brother at a loss for words.

Blaine nodded, "Pretty much."

Chuck pulled into their garage, turning the car off and looking over at his little brother. He was in the same position he was in when they had left the hospital. His eyes were dull, lifeless. So broken. Chuck felt helpless. It was his job to help him feel better, but hardly anything could make this easier, make it better.

Chuck turned himself, thinking momentarily. "Do you want a hug?"

Blaine perked his head for a moment, staring blankly at his brother for a moment. "No," he said, beginning to unbuckle and get out of the car, "I'm just tired. I'm going to bed, and then in the morning I am going to go back to the hospital."

Just as quickly as Chuck was about to answer, Blaine was out of the car, trudging inside. Chuck sighed, his head and body thudding against the seat as he collapsed against the seat. What was he going to do?

Blaine ignored his mother's words as he came inside, going straight for his room. He closed and locked the door, changing absent mindedly and climbing into bed, finally _really _letting himself think about the events of the night. It was only ten o'clock, yet it felt like he hadn't slept in days. He let himself think about chemistry class, about all of the items in his car, about his own harsh words. When he cried this time, it wasn't from worry, from distress. It was just a little boy. A little boy who had too much bad happen. He wanted his dad, as stupid as it sounded.

Even when Blaine was a failure, he always had certain aspects he admired his father for, his dad was so strong. He never gave up. His dad loved his mom. And, even though Chuck and he were disappointments, even though he didn't know how to show it, he loved them. He remembered the nights before his dad found out he was gay. The camping trips, the movie nights, how if something bad would happen, his dad would hold him, let him cry a little, and then tell him, 'Buck up son. It's bad now, I know it seems bad now, but I promise it'll get better. I promise.'

So Blaine cried. And you know what? He didn't feel like bucking up. Nope. He felt like wallowing in self pity for a little while. He felt like crying over his parent's divorce. That wasn't going to get better. It was his fault. And even better, he felt like crying over the fact that his girlfriend almost successfully committed suicide, because, go figure, that was his fault too. He needed to fix her. He loved her so much. He wanted to fix her. Just like everything else. If he couldn't control anything else in his life, he could at least fix his amazing girlfriend so she could at least see herself for everything she was. But that just made her want to commit suicide. What was he doing? His dad was right.

Blaine was a failure.

A failure. A freak.

The next morning, Rachel woke groggy. She inadvertently tried to rub her eyes, the sand making it hard to open them, only to remember that her arms were currently out of use. Rachel let her head clunk against her stiff, lumpy pillow in frustration. She couldn't even bring herself to look down at her arms. She knew it would only make her want to cry.

"Rough night?"

Rachel flipped her head to the door, where a girl, only slightly older than Rachel stood, homemade blanket in hand, blonde hair pulled neatly back into a bun at the base of her neck. She wore a powder blue polo, underneath long black sleeves, probably to keep her warm in the cold hospital and black slacks in gym shoes. Her badge read _Volunteer_.

Rachel raised her eyebrows and motioned with her head to come in, answering the girl's question almost involuntarily. "Yeah."

The girl came in, setting the blanket at the foot of the bed. "My name is Rebekah. I'm a volunteer." The girl offered, stopping back by Rachel's head, smiling warmly with bright pink lips.

Rachel smiled despite herself, looking at the blanket, a solid gold. "Can you cover me?" She asked. "I'm freezing."

Rebekah nodded. "I know. These blankets are supposed to keep heat in, but for whatever reason or another, they just don't seem to do anything. It was my idea to start this blanket program."

Rebekah unfolded the fleece two sided blanket, revealing black and gold stars on the other side, laying the design up over Rachel's small body. Rachel was confused.

"How did you know I liked stars?" Rebekah giggled to herself, as if caught in some conspiracy.

"Well," Rebekah started, sitting down, "Amanda is a friend of mine. She called me as soon as you came in last night. She figured you would need someone to talk to."

Rachel furrowed her eyebrows in deep interest, continuing to prod, "That still doesn't explain the blanket or the stars."

Rebekah giggled further. "You are a focused one, aren't you?" Rachel shrugged. "Well, look at your room. There are stars everywhere. I had some spare fabric from the other blankets the volunteers and I make, and I ran out and got some star fabric."

Rachel smiled faintly, still curious. "What makes you so special though?"

Rebekah sucked in a deep breath, her face becoming serious. She lifted her arm, moving her left sleeve up to show a number of scars up and down her forearm. "I understand."

Rachel bit her lip in surprise, barely whispering, "When."

Rebekah nodded, "Last was three years last month."

Rachel stared at the soft blanket, asking, "Why?"

"That's got two parts to it," Rebekah mused, laughing lightly, a little piece of hair falling out of her bun, Rebekah reaching up nervously to tuck it behind her ear as she began to explain. "Well, my mom went AWOL when I was fourteen, and my dad, he's had a lot of problems that only got worse after mom left. I guess I reminded him of mom too much. I was careful, like you.

"But, I got sloppy. You know, I'm with my best friend at the mall and I nick a scab on accident and the bleeding starts. Hannah, she freaked out, rushed me to the hospital. And suddenly, everyone knew. Amanda was my attending too. She helped me."

Rachel was silent, feeling her own tears brim. "I feel like a freak."

Rebekah rubbed Rachel's arm and helped her blow her nose, rubbing her eyes lightly. "I know. But you have to know. You're not just hurting yourself. You're hurting your friends too. They care about you and they don't want you to do this to yourself."

Rachel kept crying whimpering helplessly, "I want to be better. I want to be able to use my arms again. I want to feel good about myself." In a pained whisper Rachel begged, "I want help."

Rebekah smiled warmly. "That's what I'm here for. Rachel, everything you've done, it's psychological. You need to see a therapist, I did. But what made me really turn around, and it'll sound stupid and cheesy and outdated, but I helped people. Amanda helped me get a position volunteering here and helping people, it makes me feel so much better about myself. There's the saying that helping others is the best way to help yourself. And Rachel, it's true."

Rachel digested this. "I just, I feel like,"

"It's the only way?" Rebekah asked. Rachel nodded, with her eyes closed, tears running down her cheeks. Rebekah leaned forward and grasped Rachel's hand in support. "I know what that feels like but, another thing that I found is—"

"Hey there." Blaine stood in the doorway, smiling. "Am I interrupting?"

Rebekah shook her head. "Not at all. I'm almost finished."

"Sorry Rebekah," Rachel amended, "That's Blaine. He's my boyfriend."

Rebekah nodded, turning back to Rachel. "Opening up." Rebekah said, simply. "Internalizing everything is bad. Talking to the people you trust," Rebekah continued standing up and heading for the door nodding her head towards Blaine, "You'd be surprised at how big a difference it can make."

Rachel nodded as Blaine moved around the room tidying up. "You're coming back, right?" Rachel asked as Rebekah began to leave.

She nodded, smiling warmly. "Of course. I'm always available to talk. Just ask Amanda and you can call me; any time, any day. Okay?"

Rachel nodded. "Cool. I'll see you later Rachel."

"Bye Rebekah."

Blaine smiled and greeted Rachel. They spent the entire day together talking and just _being_ with each other. It was eight o'clock when Amanda came in again to tell Blaine it was time to go. He had spent the day just trying to keep Rachel happy, avoiding anything that might upset her in the slightest.

"Hey Blaine," Amanda said, knocking on the door lightly while Rachel and Blaine watched a rerun of an old Big Bang Theory, "It's eight o' clock. Visiting hours are over."

Blaine nodded standing and kissing Rachel lightly. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I love you."

Rachel barely nodded and as he was halfway to the door Rachel suddenly asked, "Blaine?"

He stopped, turning around, nodding in recognition of her calling of his name. "Yes?"

Rachel glanced nervously from Blaine to Amanda. "I, I wa-, I—"

Blaine turned quickly to Amanda. "Can I have just ten more minutes?" Amanda looked hesitant. "Please?"

"I don't know…" She said reluctantly.

Blaine pleaded now, whispering to her, "I think it's important."

"Ten minutes." Amanda stated. "That's it. Got it?"

Amanda shut the door, with one last glance at a distraught Rachel, Blaine finally turning back to her asking softly, "Are you okay?"

Rachel whimpered, "I want help."

Blaine could barely believe his ears. "I'm sorry?"

Rachel could feel hot tears running down her cheeks as she started to ramble. "I, I want to be able to use my arms again, I want to stop feeling so awful all the time, I want to be happy, I want to get better."

Blaine rushed forward to Rachel, lifting her fragile body into his arms, holding her tight as he kissed her hair over and over again saying, "Oh, honey, I will get you all the help you need if you want it and me, I will be there for you the whole way. I promise."

He could her muffled sob through his shirt, "I'm just, I'm tired of feeling so broken and, and helpless all the time."

"No, no," Blaine reassured her, "You're not broken; you just need a little help. And we're going to get you help. You'll be using your arms again and feeling wonderful in no time. I promise you. I _promise_."

Rachel leaned back, smiling softly at Blaine who was now also on the verge of tears. "I love you."

Blaine smiled. "I love you too." Rachel reached up to kiss him, Blaine pausing momentarily to say, "And don't you ever forget."


	10. Chapter 10

**_So guys I'm so sorry for the long wait! I know I said Karofsky would be explained in this chapter and you would receive virtual cookies for getting it right, but this chapter ended up going a COMPLETELY different direction than I originally planned. However, I did say the song would be revealed this chapter and those who guessed right would be rewarded._**

**_Surprisingly, no one guessed the song. I actually had it planned out BEFORE it got sung on Glee...so...drumroll please! it is Please Don't Leave Me. Karofsky competition is still on and I have planned to put it in the next chapter!_**

**_Now my thanks. Thank to all of those who are sticking with this and still reading! I'm trying really hard to keep up. I've just felt so uninspired but then the chapter just happened! So thank you all for reading, reviewing, and sticking with me! I love you all! :) And as always...REVIEW PLEASE! I read them all! :)_**

* * *

><p>"<em>I'm hurting so bad inside I just wish you could see... I'm struggling to be someone that isn't even close to me." –Anonymous<em>

_**Chapter 10**_

"Blaine," Rachel complained two weeks later, "I need to go to the bathroom!"

Blaine chuckled, Rachel had been doing so well the last two weeks, she had been pushing herself really hard to start not only physical therapy, but also occupational therapy. Her hands were not in complete working order yet, she still needed help getting up, and she was on an extremely high dosage of pain medication as the feeling began to return. Blaine, Rachel, and Rebekah had found Rachel a good therapist who was helping her to begin working through her issues.

"Alright," Blaine said patiently, getting up and reaching around Rachel's legs and arms sweeping her legs so they were dangling over the edge of her hospital bed. "You know, for such an avid dancer, I would think that you would be capable of putting your legs, even without your arms, over the bed."

Rachel giggled, and just as Blaine was about to let go, she moved her body closer to his whispering, "Maybe I just like being close to you." Blaine shook his head good naturedly, responding by kissing Rachel.

"Oh," Rachel huffed while Blaine grabbed her heart monitor and I.V., "I am so glad that I get out of here tomorrow. This place does not have acceptable vegan options. I cannot wait to sleep in my own bed."

Rachel, getting impatient, got up, but she was shaky and reflexively grabbed the arm of the bed to steady her shaky legs before the pain and muscle weakness got the best of her and she fell in a heap to the floor. Blaine stood in shock for two reasons. One, he didn't even realize what was happening until it was happening. And two, Rachel had used her hand to steady herself.

He quickly moved to help Rachel up, and after she was standing firmly Blaine said bewildered, "You used your hand."

Rachel was momentarily confused before breaking into a smile and nodding. Blaine broke into a huge grin, and said, still bewildered, "Try and make a fist."

Rachel focused, putting all of her energy into forming a fist, closing her eyes and holding her breath. She let it out in frustration when nothing happened, but with an encouraging nod from Blaine, she tried again. The silence and anticipation was palpable. Again, Rachel focused, even more this time, pushing herself until, slowly, her fingers curled and for a moment, Rachel formed a fist for a moment before the pain and strain became too much and with a loud release of air from her lungs, the fist collapsed.

They both stared at each other in silence for a moment, both grinning until Blaine rushed to Rachel, picking her up and laughing in glee. He finally set her down, Rachel giggling while he whispered, "Things are getting better."

When Blaine leaned in to kiss Rachel once more, she closed her eyes smiling and brought her face close to Blaine's before whispering, "I still have to pee."

Blaine sighed, and dropped his forehead against Rachel's. "Then we should take care of that."

Rachel giggled. "Thank you."

A month Rachel had been gone from school. Blaine, Chuck, and their mom had moved in; in part because of the divorce, and because Blaine didn't want to be away from her. After a week of being home, Blaine had offered the suggestion that she should return. At the time she had been terrified, grabbed her backpack and locked herself away in her room for the rest of the night.

Blaine had been keeping Rachel caught up with glee club and classes so that she could still graduate and perform at Regional's which was in less than a month. If Rachel were being honest with herself, she would fess up to being bored without school, but the prospect terrified her. She still hadn't had her stitches removed after a month; although Dr. Levinson had told her that she would remove them on Saturday morning, she could start using her scar cream until the wounds were completely healed. And Rachel wasn't sure that she could handle that kind of judgment and embarrassment.

"Rachel," Blaine asked one Friday night while they were doing A.P. chemistry homework, "I really think you should come back to school Monday."

Rachel's pen stopped moving across the paper and her body froze. "I'm not ready yet." She said almost automatically, still staring down at her paper.

"Rach," Blaine argued, resting his hand gently over her right hand which was holding her pen in a vice-like grip, "Everyone really misses you."

"They can come and visit."

Blaine bit his lips and sighed. "Rach, talk to me."

Rachel looked up with scared eyes. "I'm terrified. I don't care that you say no one cares; that's just the glee club. I'm finally making progress, Blaine. When I come back, the stares, the whispering, the rumors…"

"Rachel." Blaine soothed, rubbing Rachel's arm, "I know it's scary, but you can't hide away forever. Kurt, Quinn, Puck, someone will be with you the whole day supporting you. We've talked about it so much in glee, I and at _least _one other person will be with you the whole time, no one is going to mess with you, and if they do, we aren't just going to stand by anymore Rach."

Rachel stayed silent for a moment. "I, I don't know…"

"Rachel, I'm not going to force you, but I talked to Dr. Brooke; she said that if you are willing she thinks that it would actually be good for you, you know, to face your fears."

"Okay."

Blaine looked up hopefully. "Okay?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Yes. I will attend school on Monday." Rachel paused momentarily adding on quickly, "But I'm only doing this because I love you."

Blaine smiled. "Thank you."

Rachel sighed, unable to stay angry, instead opting for a half smile while she said sarcastically, "Whatever."

Sunday night rolled around and Blaine was trying to distract Rachel from the next day by watching movies with Chuck. Her arms were a little sorer after getting the stitches out, irritating her already sensitive skin. The night was coming to an end, and with each moment, Rachel began twiddling her thumbs more and more, wincing whenever they got caught on each other and pulled on her muscles.

Blaine put his hand firmly over hers, eyes still straight forward watching Avatar. "Stop stressing. It'll be okay." He whispered.

Rachel looked up at him and smiled. She leant into his side, and rested her head on his chest. Blaine slung his arms around Rachel's shoulders and hugged her close. It comforted Rachel how Blaine always knew exactly what to do to calm her down.

When they went to bed, Rachel got into bed, turning away from Blaine. He simply turned and moved towards her rubbing her arm soothingly. In the moment, it was all he could do to soothe her, and to Rachel, it was enough.

The first thing Rachel did the next morning was be sick. Blaine's mom was two seconds away from keeping Rachel home, but when Blaine explained it was just nerves, his mom reluctantly gave her the okay. Rachel was reaching for a sweater when Blaine shook his head, handing her a three quarter length sleeved dress. When Rachel looked about to protest, Blaine handed her a light sweater to go over it, which caused Rachel to sigh in relief and smile gratefully. Blaine handed Rachel the dress, and kissed her cheek lightly before closing the door, throwing Rachel one last smile.

"Alright," Blaine's mom said, voice full of concern as Blaine and Rachel got ready to go, "Rachel, try and have a good day. If things get too bad, I'm just a call away, okay? And Blaine, keep an eye on her."

Blaine smiled. "Gee, thanks mom. I'll try and have a good day too."

Allison smiled and kissed her son goodbye. "And have a good day." Blaine smiled. "Now, go," His mom urged, ushering them out the door, "Or you'll be late."

Rachel paused before she opened the car door. The school loomed over her head. She saw the football players dumping Jacob Ben Israel into the school's dumpster, the cheer leaders' awful laughter, and the hockey players playing keep away with some poor kid's back pack as he chased it hastily around the circle of boys. If this was what it was like outside, she didn't want to even begin to wonder what it was like inside.

Blaine had already grabbed Rachel's backpack and helped Rachel out of the car, holding her hand in comfort. They made it inside without too many stares, Rachel releasing her breath in relief. That was until the hallways turned silent as everyone stared at a certain petite brunette dressed in a yellow sundress, and white cardigan. Rachel held her breath again. The silence was deafening, Blaine simply squeezing Rachel's hand tighter leading her down the hallway towards her locker as people began frantically whispering and snickering. Rachel leaned into Blaine, to try and hide herself from the ugly stares.

The hallways seemed so much crueler than Rachel could remember. Maybe it was because the small powerhouse had been missing for a month; people had an idea of why, nothing stayed secret for long in the hallways of McKinley. Rachel looked in her locker, untouched for over a month, staring at the bright pinks and oranges. It all felt so fake, put up for appearances, what people thought _belonged _in her locker. "This is my locker?" She asked Blaine quietly, a severe amount of disgust tainting her delicate voice. Blaine nodded.

A strong sense of bile rose in Rachel's throat as she tore down the bright wallpaper violently, destroying everything in a rage but for her picture of her and Blaine. That was real. Nothing else was.

Blaine watched, tears in his eyes as he let her destroy her locker. He wasn't sure what to do other than to let her do it. He could guess enough why she was. He watched her stop momentarily as she set their picture delicately down on the locker's shelf. He could sense everyone watching, as if it was a sick, twisted version of entertainment.

She started to tear, crying, and saying, "It's not real. It's all fake. A lie." She was chanting it like a mantra.

Blaine decided he had to stop her. "Rachel," he tried, not breaking through, "Rachel, Rach, stop." He said forcefully, grabbing her arms and turning her to him. "You have to stop. I'll clear it out for you later. You have to focus on getting through the first day." Where was…_anyone_ else? Blaine thought frantically.

"It's not real, Blaine," Rachel whimpered. "That's not me. That's, that's a shell of a person that's, that's just, nonexistent. I was never that person. It's an awful reminder," She didn't finish as Blaine brought her into his arms. He just held her, trying to ignore the stares. Trying to ignore the wallpaper and the magnets lying in shambles around him. Trying to ignore how broken he felt whenever she became crippled with sadness.

Mercedes and Kurt watched on in horror at the scene that had just taken place in front of them. They had hardly seen Rachel since that first day in the hospital; she had felt embarrassed enough as it was. Blaine had always reassured everyone that Rachel was getting happier. That she was slowly beginning to smile for real more. But they were both so broken. So helpless. Rachel still wasn't so sure how to handle everything that was going on yet, and Blaine, poor Blaine; he just didn't know what to do anymore. He loved Rachel so much; he just wanted her to get better. But even more, to just be happy.

"I'll see you in first period, Kurt." Mercedes said turning off and running down the hall, trying not to cry. She needed to do something, anything. Kurt barely got a chance to respond before she was gone.

Puck came down the hallway, feeling the awkward silence. He assumed it was because Rachel had showed up like Blaine had said. He was the glee club's only way of knowing what was going on with Rachel anymore. But Puck had agreed with Blaine, he thought she could handle coming back. He was the one who took her to Temple every week. At first it was just for Rachel. To have something bigger than herself to hold on to. But Puck quickly realized how much he needed it as well. It renewed everything he believed in. When he saw Blaine holding Rachel, he realized just why the sudden whispering and silence was so odd. They were all just standing there, staring.

"What!" Puck shouted angrily, "You've never cried before!" Everyone jumped. When no one moved Puck added, "Well, what are you all waiting for? An engraved invitation? Get back to your lives, because I'm pretty sure this does not involve any of you!"

Everyone quickly went back to their business, many discussing everything that had just happened. Puck quickly crossed to the couple, rubbing Rachel's back.

"You okay?"

Rachel didn't respond, and Blaine just mouthed, _it's tough_. Puck nodded in understanding. He knew it would be hard. Especially the first day.

"Welcome back freak!" Karofsky shouted as all three students became drenched in slushie, Puck and Blaine getting hit with blue, Rachel being singled out, cup sitting on top of her head which had just contained a bright red slushie.

Blaine and Rachel froze, Puck screaming in anger, "What the hell dude?"

Karofsky just laughed cruelly as he walked away, "Everyone gets a warm welcome back. _Especially_ the freaks."

Rachel lifted her head, everything stained in red that made her want to be sick, an awful reminder. Noah and Blaine looked ready to murder.

Rachel whimpered, placing her hands on Noah and Blaine's shoulders respectively. "Please Noah, Blaine, he isn't worth it. Just, just take me to change."

Kurt was hurrying across the hall now, dragging Rachel towards the bathroom. "C'mon guys," He said, "Let's just get her clean."

Blaine and Puck turned slowly, still glaring down the hall, following after Kurt and Rachel.

While Kurt was washing Rachel's hair, she began scratching at her wrists. Blaine caught this immediately. There wasn't a whole lot Rachel could do with her hands and arms yet, it was a long process after all, but the scratching, Blaine had a feeling that reflex had been one of the first things to kick right in. He rested his hands in top of hers, a silent reminder. This had been a horrible idea.

"Rachel," Blaine said after a moment, "We should call my mom. This was a bad idea."

Kurt and Puck froze staring at Rachel, waiting for her response. Rachel looked up at Blaine; a moment earlier she would have said yes. Rachel would have been selfish. But she saw the pain, the hurt. How much it was killing him that he had messed up. She couldn't confirm that for him.

"No." Rachel stated firmly, everyone's eyes widening in surprise. "Rachel Berry doesn't give up. They want me to run away. And I'm done hiding."

Kurt and Noah smiled at each other, seeing the life in Blaine's eyes light up, and the spark that would surely ignite the fire in Rachel.

"So, no." Rachel continued, determined, "I am not calling your mother and going home."

They all heard the quiver in her voice as she spoke. Sure, Rachel was on her way back, but today wasn't going to be easier; Rachel was just refusing to give up.

Noah smiled though, reassuring Rachel saying, "Let's show 'em all what Rachel Berry is made of."

Rachel grinned meekly and nodded, feeling her stomach fall all the while. Blaine knew it; Puck knew it; Kurt knew it. But at least she wasn't running away.

Almost immediately after Rachel, Blaine, Puck, and Kurt had disappeared into the girl's bathroom to get clean, chaos broke out. The news spread like wildfire. Rachel Berry was back, and even weirder than before.

Brittany was sitting in the choir room in a hazy state, as usual, when Mercedes came running in speaking with Brad about some song.

"What's going on Mercedes?" Brittany asked airily.

Mercedes stopped momentarily to look at Brittany, startled by her presence. In the moment, she wasn't sure whether she should laugh or cry. "Rachel's back."

Brittany tilted her head interest before smiling and running out of the room.

Brittany found Rachel with Kurt and Blaine by Kurt's locker a few minutes later, bounding up to Rachel squealing, "My unicorn is back!"

Rachel laughed uncomfortably, reciprocating the hug as best she could. Rachel didn't want to disappoint Brittany or make her sad so Rachel quickly said, unconvincingly, "I never left."

Brittany extracted herself from the embrace saying, "Blaine said you were gone so long because you lost your horn and you were trying to grow it back."

Rachel giggled slightly at Blaine's poor attempt at shielding Brittany from Rachel's true problem. "That's true." Rachel said noncommittally.

Brittany shook her head. "Did you grow it back?"

Rachel felt herself tearing a little at Brittany's question. "I'm working on it. I really am."

Just as Brittany was ready to question Rachel further, the bell signaling five minutes to first period, Brittany hugging Rachel again and skipping off squealing, "Santana!" over and over again.

Santana was grateful that Sue used the Cheerios! first period class for practice. It meant that on days when she woke up late, she wouldn't get marked tardy. Not as long as she showed up out of the locker room fifteen minutes after the bell rang. Today was one of those days.

Another thing Santana was grateful for was the quiet in the locker room. Everyone was always too tired to actually begin gossiping until after practice had started, and it was one of the few times Santana actually enjoyed the lack of gossip.

"Brittany, what is going on in here?" Santana asked snidely after kissing her girlfriend good morning. "It's so loud."

Brittany giggled innocently, "My unicorn is back!"

Santana shook her head, getting changed for practice. Of course that was why everyone was gossiping. Rachel was back. She would never admit it out loud, but Santana was glad Rachel was back. In an odd way, she missed her. So naturally, instead of admitting care, she defaulted to hate.

"RuPaul is back? Wow. Brave soul."

Brittany's smile faltered, frowning slightly. "Santana, didn't you hear me? Rachel is better! She's back!"

Santana shrugged. "Whatever."

Rachel's day was awful. Terrible. She was surrounded by glares, stares, and snickers. She felt her hands reaching for her wrists constantly, every time stopped by Blaine. She would have slapped him if he weren't so reassuring. Finally it was time for glee. Rachel took her old seat next to Blaine, front and center, feeling complete.

Mr. Schuester walked in, last as always, smiling bigger than she could ever remember, opening that day's rehearsal with, "I don't know if you all noticed, but we have Rachel back today!"

Rachel almost started crying out of pure joy when she heard the whoops and hollers of her team members, receiving pats and shoulder shakes from the guys sitting next to and behind her.

"Thank you all, so much." She said happily.

"Rachel really," Mr. Schue said kindly, "We've all missed you a lot, and to show that,"

Rachel spotted a small crowd by the door of the choir room, Mr. Schue fading from her ears, her happiness suddenly being overridden by her rising terror, leaning into Blaine for protection. Blaine froze in confusion, having learned well over the last month the difference between Rachel's, I love you and want to be close to you snuggle into him, and her, I'm terrified, be my shield Blaine cower.

Blaine was suddenly speaking frantically and worriedly, interrupting Mr. Schuester, rubbing Rachel's arm and bringing her close. "What's wrong Rach?"

She shook her head and whimpered, "Make them go away Blaine."

"What?" Blaine asked in confusion, finally looking towards the door of the choir room.

There was now a large group of students all huddled around the open door staring, whispering, and snickering at Rachel. Blaine was furious.

"Get out of here!" He shouted, jumping up, scaring everyone as he ran towards the door. Rachel shrunk back, shaking, closing her eyes, and whispering something inaudible to herself as the guys and Mr. Schue all got the crowd to leave. Slowly, Rachel began rocking back and forth.

Mercedes got up silently and sat down next to Rachel as a single tear rolled down her cheek. Mercedes saw Rachel's hand beginning to move up her arm. She simply grabbed her hand and squeezed in comfort.

Rachel didn't even turn her head as she started speaking shakily to Mercedes.

"I'm not an animal. I don't belong in a zoo. I, I'm a human being."

Mercedes nodded her head in understanding gripping her hand tighter.

"Mr. Schue?" She called out as the guys finished dispersing the crowd, "I prepared a separate song for Rachel. Can I perform it now?"

Mr. Schuester just nodded. Mercedes didn't even move from her seat holding Rachel's hand as she nodded to Brad who began playing a gentle intro.

"_As I lay me down  
>Heaven hear me now<br>I'm lost without a cause  
>After giving it my all." <em>Mercedes sang to Rachel, trying to express through music that she understood. She continued.

"_Winter storms have come  
>And darkened my sun<br>After all that I've been through  
>Who on earth can I turn to?"<em> Mercedes knew Rachel felt…finished. That she needed something bigger than herself to turn to, and even though she was spiritual, Mercedes wondered if Rachel was ignoring God right now.

"_I look to you  
>I look to you<br>After all my strength is gone  
>In you I can be strong<em>

_I look to you  
>I look to you<br>And when melodies are gone  
>In you I hear a song, I look to you." <em>Rachel felt something stir. She had always loved this song. Maybe that was why when the second verse rolled around, she interrupted Mercedes and sang instead, still staring ahead as their teammates watched the intimate exchange.

"_About to lose my breath  
>There's no more fighting left<br>Sinking to rise no more  
>Searching for that open door" <em>Rachel just felt trapped, like there was no escaping this life she had begun. Rachel was just so beaten down at this point it was hard to believe in anything. Everyone soaked in Rachel's voice, no one having heard Rachel sing in a long time.

"_And every road that I've taken  
>Led to my regret<br>And I don't know if I'm gonna make it  
>Nothing to do but lift my head," <em>But the passion, the emotion back behind it. It was so much more than anything else they had heard her sing. She wasn't acting anymore. She was pleading, begging, laying everything out for them to see. Rachel was still staring down, still grasping Mercedes hand as she went into the chorus, almost pleading for help from her Higher Power.

"_I look to you  
>I look to you, yeah,<br>And when all my strength is gone  
>In you I can be strong<em>

_I look to you  
>I look to you<br>And when melodies are gone  
>In you I hear a song,<br>I look to you."_

Mercedes joined Rachel in the bridge, singing a descant over Rachel's quiet melody below her.

"_My levee's have broken, my walls have come  
>Crumbling down on me<br>The rain is falling, defeat is calling  
>I need you to set me free," <em>Rachel felt so broken, begging God as her and Mercedes sang in unison,

"_Take me far away from the battle  
>I need you, shine on me," <em>Mercedes sang through the next half of the chorus, grasping Rachel's other hand.

"_I look to you  
>I look to you<br>After all my strength has gone  
>In you I can be strong." <em>Rachel sang the next half, staring up towards heaven giving everything for God, crying all the while.

"_I look to you  
>I look to you<br>And when melodies are gone  
>In you I hear a song,<br>I look to you." _Rachel sang, now looking at Mercedes.  
><em>"I look to you."<em> Mercedes sang, looking at Rachel, suddenly realizing that she was crying too as they finished the last words of the song together.  
><em>"I look to you."<em>

Rachel and Mercedes were breathing heavily, realizing that their relationship could never be quite the same. And that was something they were both exceedingly happy about.

Mercedes just reached over and hugged Rachel tightly whispering, "You are person. A _good_ person. And even the best have issues. He loves you anyway."

Mercedes could feel Rachel smile against her shirt even though she was still crying. She heard Rachel whisper, "Thank you. You know, I think you're the only Baptist I know going to heaven."

Mercedes laughed at Rachel's dark joke replying, "Yeah, well you're the only Jew I know going to heaven. So it's mutual."

They both smiled, leaning away from each other. They both knew they were kidding. They would never condemn certain people to heaven or hell. That was up to Him.

Rachel wiped her eyes and sniffled a little, grasping Blaine's hand once more after he sat down.

"So," Rachel said, cheerily, "What was it you were saying Mr. Schue?"

Mr. Schue chuckled in relief. "Well, your teammates have been working on a special number just for you Rachel. And I will let them explain it. Take it away guys."

Slowly everyone got up and walked to the front for the choir, leaving Rachel sitting by herself in the rows of chairs.

"Well," Mercedes started.

"We wanted to tell you that we are sorry," Kurt said next.

Santana spoke now, "And that we didn't help your problem at all, we only worsened it."

"But" Puck said.

"We also wanted to say," Tina spoke.

"We love you." Finn said last.

"Rachel, you aren't just a voice," Blaine said.

"You're a unicorn." Brittany said sweetly.

"Unique and special, just like the rest of us." Mike spoke simply.

"With feelings and emotions, just like the rest of us." Artie said softly.

"And we all just blatantly ignored that." Sam said.

"And we didn't realize just how much we loved you until it was almost too late." Quinn finished.

Rachel was silent, trying to digest everything she had just heard. It was all so touching that they all seemed so sincere.

They all then looked at each other counting off to each other before saying, "This is for you."

The entire club opened the familiar song. Rachel secretly thought to herself, Blaine must have picked this. It's P!NK."

"_Da da da da, da da da da  
>Da da da, da da<br>Da da da, da da"_

"_I don't know if I can yell any louder" _Artie sang first._  
>"How many times have I kicked you outta here?" <em>Mike sang next_.  
>Or said something insulting?" <em>Tina sang, knowing everyone had had their fair share of insulting Rachel.

"_Da da da, da da" _The club sang all in unison every time.

"_I can be so mean when I wanna be," _Mercedes sang now, knowing that there had been occasions where Mercedes had been unnecessarily cruel. _  
>"I am capable of really anything" <em>Sam sang._  
>"I can cut you into pieces<br>But my heart is broken" _Finn sang remorsefully. Rachel still had not forgiven him for everything he had done to her.

"_Da da da, da da_

_Please don't leave me  
>Please don't leave me<br>I always say how I don't need you  
>But it's always gonna come right back to this<br>Please, don't leave me" _They all sang together, seeing tears and forgiveness already pooling in Rachel's eyes.

"_How did I become so obnoxious?  
>What is it with you that makes me act like this?<br>I've never been this nasty" _Quinn sang seriously wondering why she always seemed to single Rachel out for her insults.

"_Da da da, da da"_

"_Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?" _Kurt asked. He and Rachel were always competing for solos. He thought that was just how it worked with them.  
><em>"The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest<br>But baby I don't mean it" _Brittany and Santana sang together. They knew what they had done.  
><em>"I mean it," <em>Santana sang.  
><em>"I promise" <em>Brittany said innocently more than sang.

"_Da da da, da da_

_Please don't leave me  
>Oh please don't leave me<br>I always say how I don't need you  
>But it's always gonna come right back to this<br>Please, don't leave me." _The entire sang together once more. They had always taken Rachel for granted, and only now were they realizing how much they actually liked her.

"_I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me  
>I cannot be without, you're my perfect little punching bag" <em>Puck sang. He recalled when they had dated briefly; how happy he had been. Afterwards he had gone back to treating her like a nobody; even occasionally slushying her.

"_And I need you, I'm sorry_

_Da da da, da da__  
><em>_Da da da da, da da da da  
>Da da da, da da"<em>

_Please, please don't leave me  
>Da da da, da da<em>_  
><em>_Baby please don't leave me  
>Da da da, da da<br>No, don't leave me  
>Please don't leave me no no no" <em>Rachel was crying, the only person who hadn't sung yet was Blaine; little did she know he had a special message for her.

"_You always say how I don't need you  
>But it's always gonna come right back to this<br>Please, don't leave me" _Rachel constantly spoke to Blaine and told she wasn't good enough for her. That he saved her. But she never realized that it went both ways. She saved him. He always felt inadequate next to Rachel. She never understood or fully appreciated her beauty.

"_Please don't leave me, oh no no no._

_I always say how I don't need you  
>But it's always gonna come right back to this" <em>They sang before the guys sang,_  
><em>_"Please don't leave me" _Who were followed by the girls,_  
>"Baby, please,"<em>

The ending they all sang a capella together,_"Please don't leave me."_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thoughts? REVIEW PLEASE!<em>**

**_So, don't forget the Karofsky storyline..virtual cookies are still up for grabs for that. And thanks for trying with the P!NK song!_**

**_Also, I am aware that Blaine has a brother(Cooper) He will not be playing a role in this story, but I have a short story idea. I believe the correct brother/sister/brother name for Blaine, Rachel, and Cooper would be AnderCooperBerry? :P In any case, I had a passing thought about writing a short story which begins right when Blaine gets slushied. Rachel has been living away from her brothers for 7 years. Her and Blaine reconnected when Kurt and Blaine started dating, but she still hasn't seen Coop. ButwhenBlaine gets slushied its big brother to the rescue in every way. Might be a one-shot, maybe a two-shot._**


End file.
